Friday, October 7, 2011

Entry 5- 11.4.11

Dear Journal,

I've got a very interesting friendship concept that someone advised that I write about. I like it, not only because it's a bit challenging for me to respond to, but because it seems to be a recurring problem with teens today. The problem is this:

Why is it that when girls can't seem to find friends, they become so desperate for some that they end up hanging with the wrong crowd?

Then, it's proceeded by:

Why can't girls learn to value themselves and their own company instead of falling apart when they don't have any friends around them.

Here are some of my thoughts on this whole situation:

1. Loneliness; let's start off with the basis of the prompt which would be loneliness.We sometimes become so lonely that we allow ourselves to be led into bad company just for the sake of having friends; having people around. I, myself, have experienced loneliness at one point or the other; I mean, who hasn't. But, that being said, it's more about how you deal with it. I mentioned in an earlier post that my favorite quote of all time would have to be, "It's not what makes you fall down that's important, but it's what you do when you get back up." So, to tie that in with what i'm trying to say, it doesn't matter what has made you lonely, be it a bad argument with a friend or whatnot, but what you do to make things better for yourself. Loneliness hurts, but rushing into bad friendships isn't the right thing to do.

2. Social Placement; this is actually going to be the main topic of part 2 because being a teen, people start to categorize you as soon as they can get their hands on you. I've been categorized as a loner, diva, wannabe, nerd, you name it. I wouldn't personally place myself in those bins, though; I see myself as a strong, mature, leading, helpful, beautiful individual, and to me, that's all that counts. When you start to have what other people call you define who you are, though, you become a follower; you'll do ANYTHING to rid yourself of that degrading title. That's when you start hanging with the girls who are just not very good people, altogether. As you can see, your social placement (if you let it over-rule your personal thoughts) can lead you down the wrong road.

3. Lack of self-esteem; This was sort of mentioned in the last point when I said that you worry too much about what others call you. I used to be like that, believe it or not. I didn't really like who I was, so I'd follow the popular girl around, and when we became best friends, that's when it all collapsed because I then began to "wipe the fog out of my eyes" and see that I REALLY didn't like her, and therefore hated myself even more because I noticed that the old me that was inside was replaced by this other girl; a clone of who I was hanging  out with. When you don't have enough self-esteem to stand firm with who you are, you sort of get "sucked out" and replaced, and sometimes, who you get replaced with isn't who you necessarily want to be.

4. Becoming your own best friend; When I tell my friends this, they don't really get what I mean. It pretty much stems from something my mom used to say; "if you don't love yourself, how do you expect others to love you?" That being said, being your own best friend is just spending time with yourself and enjoying your own company. This doesn't mean that you get this imaginary friend or something, but just having fun doing the things that you like to do. Me, I haven't spent time with my friends since March, and that's really hard. You lose friends along the way, you do get kind of lonely, and it's just altogether not fun. But what I can do is blog, listen to music, sing, go on YouTube, play with my dog; do SOMETHING that will cheer me up instead of going off with the nearest group of girls that I can find who may or may not be the best choices of friends for me.

5. Becoming too involved with the idea of a "friendship;" There are those people who can't seem to live without friends, so they constantly call, and hang out, and sleep over, and do this, and do that. That's all too  much; as i said in an earlier post, you've gotta allow yourself some space. When you end up doing that, it just leaves you with what feels like an "empty gap" where your friend should be if they aren't there. When you give yourself a little distance, if the friendship doesn't work out, you don't find yourself freaking out, in search for any and every "friend" that comes your way.

Well, I've got to say that this topic was very hard to write about, but I'm glad I did it because not only was I able to find ways to relate to the situation and how I can better help MYSELF in the future, but also in that I can help so many others that may have found themselves in a similar situation.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell
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