Sunday, April 29, 2012

Opposition (part 2)

Hey readers,

So this is pretty much a continuation of my "Opposition" post. I left off describing a day when both Tony and Miranda, two good friends of mine, were addressed when it came to the ill-treatment of me. Tony seemed to have a more respectful stance since he had apologized to me, but it was still unsettling that he lied about the threat to curse my dad with his mother RIGHT THERE. Miranda, though, was a lot more verbally aggressive and I decided to cut things off then and there.

So, the next day I was feeling very at odds with myself. I wanted to talk to Tony and see if he was just acting out because there was a bigger problem at hand that, as a friend, I could help him with. I also wanted to steer clear of any anger that he might have been hiding because my dad spoke to his mom. As for Miranda, I was confident that I made a responsible decision to cut off our communication, but I was also worried that she would put her dislike of me on blast. Therefore I was hopeful, yet hopeless; angry yet calm; elated yet disappointed. I didn't know what to do.

In my car ride to school I just relaxed myself by listening to some music, taking the edge off of however I felt. I think that it sort of prepared me for what was to come; starting the day with calming music such as Adele, where when you allow yourself to get carried away in the lyrics, you find yourself lost in the story. I love that feeling and it typically leaves me dreamy for the rest of the day. Anyhow, when I arrived at school, the talk about "Tony and the parent" convo had already been spread around and the story changed millions of times.

"Katrina, did Tony really hit your dad?"; "Katrina, did your dad really cuss out Tony's mom?"; "Katrina, did Tony really bang your head into the classroom door?" NO, NO, NO! They've got it all wrong and who's to blame for this? I don't know, but I don't know how Tony decided that it was MY fault.

During our second break at school, I overheard Tony cursing my name and saying some pretty disgusting things about my family and me. I lost it when he said that I lied to my dad when I said that he had threatened to curse him. Any thoughts of having a calm talk with him went out the door and was replaced with the persistence to set him straight. I'm not saying that how I acted couldn't have been better, but if I had a chance to go back and change it, I wouldn't have. I try to encourage you guys to have a thick skin and to let certain things go and deal with things in a responsible way, but there are some times when you have to get firm; you have to let them know that you mean business and not to mess with you.

I marched right up to his face and I said, "You are a disgusting liar; don't you dare be calling me the liar in this incident because both you and I know what happened and whether you want to admit to it or not is your business, but don't drag me along." I was fuming.

"Katrina, all you've ever done is be a complete [expletive] since you've gotten your badge and nobody likes you so just shut the [expletive] up."

"What the heck is your problem kid? You think that you can curse me and threaten my dad and I'm just gonna deal with it because I see you as my 'big brother'? No way."

"When your dad is like 5'11 and I'm 6'0, he better be careful. I could easily take care of him with a big rock; in fact both him and you." At this I lost all forms of sanity. I got on my tippy-toes to reach his face and yelled as loud as I could, so that everyone could hear.


"You mean nothing to me anymore, Katrina; nothing. In fact, I hate you!" and with that he walked away. I suddenly felt a searing pain in my heart, like I just lost a part of my family. Indeed I had, and since then I regret ever getting my badge. I know that it has let me see who people truly are; how people will act when you are in your lowest of lows, but I still miss that brotherly feeling he gave me. I always felt safe with him around, like I could tell him anything and likewise. Sometimes even partners in crime. I really miss him, or who he seemed to be, I won't lie, but I can't easily forgive what he has said to and about me. I can't let it slide.

Miranda came immediately after and I lost it again when I saw her showing people the note I gave her. I didn't quite feel ashamed of what I wrote on it to where others can't see it, but I felt betrayed anyways. I felt like she wasn't mature enough to remain quiet with it. It felt just as bad as if it were a personal letter. I walked right up to her, snatched it from her and tore it to pieces. Then I screamed at her, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. "How could you? I'm supposed to be able to trust you and yet you're here, talking bad about me, showing everyone this letter that was meant for you?"

She shrugged, "you should know me by now."

"Yes I do and what I know is exactly what I wrote int he letter that you showed everyone and while everyone is here, I can honestly say out loud that Miranda is a selfish, untrustworthy little brat and that is why she has no friends. I mean look; everyone knows how good I've treated her, but she's even come stabbing me in the back. Doesn't that say a lot. But you know what, Miranda? Don't ever ask to talk to me again or for help or anything. You, at this point mean nothing; NOTHING to me."

I then started to walk away but then I heard her yell behind me, "You're just a [expletive] American girl who feels that she's better than everyone else." I turned right around and she stepped up to me. I didn't back down; in fact I moved in closer. "Curse at me one more time and it's a fight. You might as well swing at me little girl. No? Okay then; keep your disgusting language to yourself and get out of my sight!"

After that I broke down. I felt like I got a double whammy. I felt betrayed and completely disrespected. I was hurt, I mean, gosh darn, I'm human. On top of that, I'm a teenage girl; you might as well kill me now. It was just all too much, so much even that my friend, Kayla, started to cry with me. It wasn't easy, but it needed to be done. I needed to stand up for myself and if my calm assertiveness wasn't enough, I needed to step to their level. Believe it or not, it doesn't end here. Stay tuned for the next part of my story within the week; there's bound to be more drama, I know it.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Thursday, April 26, 2012


Hey guys,

So I just wanted to touch on a topic that has recently become an issue for me personally. Opposition is pretty much when people oppose you or go against you, be it for a good reason or bad. I feel that within the last two weeks I have felt this more than anything.

So I became form captain, the same role as the girl that I described a lot earlier in my posts were she was an annoying girl that told people what to do? Yeah, that's me. Now, this was my goal for the entire year, so I was ecstatic that I was chosen for the role and whatnot. Now, I am to be a role model and a supervisor; do what the school rules say and encourage the others to do the same. Simple, eh? Well not really. Everyone was upset at the fact that I became form captain for whatever reason, and so I immediately got the whole "I don't have to listen to you" attitude from everyone, but I stayed respectful in saying "please do what the school rules ask and nothing else." Simple and sweet. Anyhow, this went on for about a week with the opposition getting progressively worse. People who got into trouble or that I spoke to would curse me, bump me with their shoulders, slam doors in my face, take things off of my desk, yell at me and altogether disrespect me behind my back. Here's the thing; the two main people doing this were the two people that I held so dear to me as friends. Remember Tony? Yep, he was a main contributor to the ill treatment that I got as well as a girl named Miranda, a very close "friend" of mine. 

Miranda started acting up by giving me unnecessary attitude towards any sort of helpful direction that I gave her and up to about last week, I even treated her with more respect than many others because I felt that as my friend she would have my back; wrong. I even overheard her calling me curse words with Tony and some other  classmates, the utmost disrespect. Therefore, I did something that I thought I would share with you all. I know myself better than anyone else, so I knew that if I needed to address anything with her that my frustration, hurt, and anger that I had bottled up inside might explode on her if she said anything to irritate me, so I simply calmed down by writing down my feelings in a letter format to her using calm and reasonable words. I remember it saying that I didn't respect the way that I was being treated because I felt that she was being selfish, disrespectful, and altogether a terrible friend. Therefore, I wanted to discontinue the friendship and that I would rather her not contact me via e-mail, telephone, or any other media. When I was done I felt that what I wrote was well-enough said that I could give it to her. I'm not sure if it was a mistake or not; in fact, it was sort of my test to her, but she didn't know it. 

I am a very good friend, and so I put myself in my friends' shoes, trying to see if they are truly good a friend as I am. In giving her this letter, I expected a few things. For instance, if it were me and I truly valued this person, I would feel disturbed that the person felt hurt in any way by my actions. If I knew that I was harsh, then I would think it over within myself and if I didn't know what it was, then I would go and ask in a polite way to talk about it, to see if anything was misunderstood. Then the first thing I would do is apologize and sure, in a heated moment like that, I might get brushed off, but I would ask to talk about it in a calm way, when things cool down. In all, that  is the responsible thing to do, right? But let's look at Miranda's response to this situation.

Miranda came straight to my desk and said, "Katrina, I'm not being disrespectful; I'm just speaking my mind and you can't handle that. Everyone here thinks that you've been a real [expletive] and I'm starting to be in agreement." To that I responded, "and that is why I want us to discontinue this because the same way you are talking to me now is not okay with me. I don't appreciate it, Miranda." With that she stormed off and acted like it never happened. Have you made the comparison yet?

Tony is another one; at the end of the day, he's a 6 foot teenage boy so certain things, like cussing me and making physical contact, be it a bump to the arm or a slam of a door directly in my face, shows an amazing amount of disrespect for females. You would swear that I got into something with his mother; he was so intense over nothing! Anyways, my dad noticed this and nipped it in the bud by having a discussion with one of his parents. During this time, he told me with many people around, "If your dad does anything stupid, I'm going to curse at him." I was appalled, so I told my dad, warning him to watch certain things. Being very upset at the comment, my dad brought it up with his parent and to this, Tony blatantly lied with his mother right there. "Oh no, Mr. Lowell; I would never do such a thing!" When in reality, Tony is just a big fat liar. 

As you can see, I have witnessed the true colors of these two individuals and while I valued their friendship, I value respect a lot more.When you do some of the things as I have described, it shows me that I don't mean anything to you and that hurts me deep, deep down in my heart. I have no desire to reconcile a friendship or even an acquaintance sort of relationship with either of them; I feel that they have crossed my line of what is right and what is wrong. And those of you who know me on a personal level, this is not "my side of the story," but rather a lesson learned that I'd like to share with you. A lesson in dealing with opposition, be it the lowest points or the points of triumph. When you feel like you're all alone and nobody cares enough to lend you an ear because their egos are too dang big that they get in the way. But it doesn't end there; this is only part one of my story. Say tuned for more within this week and if you know how I feel, stay strong; I've been having to do a lot of that recently.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell