Beautiful- Chapter 9

Just then I realized that I was crying. I quickly turned around and wiped at my face, trying to hide the tears before Brey saw them. It kinda irritated me how self conscious I was around him. I mean, he was just a boy, right? Anyhow, when I finally got myself together I played it cool, like I didn't see him coming and only turned around to check that I had my Chem. homework (you'd think that'd be the telltale sign that I was hiding something; Katrina- checking for homework. Lol, PLEASE!). He was headed towards me with this amazing flower arrangement that at a glance looked like shooting stars. He approached me and grinned awkwardly. We just stood there and looked at each other, both of us waiting to see who was going to say something first. I didn't realize that I had fallen into the Dark Carmel sea that was his eyes until he shoved the flowers into my hands. I snapped out of my trance, smiled and looked down at them. They were beautiful, they really were. Just then Brey finally broke the silence.

"My mom... She does flower arrangements. I... I thought you'd like this one. I mean, you might not, so I don't want to be presumptuous, but it's okay if you don't I just-" he started to babble and I was starting to feel bad for ignoring his messages, so I just hugged him. I didn't know why; it was almost an involuntary action. Hugging him felt like being tucked under a warm blanket; so natural, so real, so unusual to me.

"Thank you, Breyson. They're perfect," I muttered while still firmly in his grasp. When I finally let go, he looked at me like he did the night before and my heart sank. Although I didn't want to leave, I hurried off, and as my shuffling feet headed down the street, Brey stopped me.
"You're gonna have to talk to me sometime." I turned around slowly and tried to avoid his eye contact. He was right, but I was just scared that he was say all the wrong things and make me... Disappointed. I didn't want to rock the boat, but I shrugged my shoulders in hidden agreement.
"I guess so. But what is there to talk about?" He put his hands in his pocket, obviously as uncomfortable as I was. "I- I want to explain myself and get you to really hear me out because last night I felt a connection- a gravitational pull- with you and I'd hate to lose it."

I hesitated, knowing that maybe I should just tell this kid to beat it and find someone new, but as with everything lately, I bit my lip and nodded. "How about lunch? Lord knows Van won't be keeping me company today." He pursed his lips as he pondered. "I've got a better idea."

***

"Lol, you know how to drive?" I stood there starring at the banged up piece of metal on wheels that Brey called his "baby." At that point, the question was more directed to the car than it was to him.
"Of course. I am 16 you know. The real question is are you daring enough to ride with me?" He had that cheesy bad boy smirk on his face. I didn't know what to say. I mean, skipping school was a normal occasion for me, but in Brey's car, with me still so unsure about things? I just didn't know. He saw me picking at my lip in worry and ran over, taking my backpack and throwing it in his trunk. I couldn't help but laugh at him as he sped around like an idiot when I was about to say yes. Crossing my arms, I glared at him playfully. "And we're skipping school to go where?" His eyes opened wide.

"Skipping school. Not quite what I had in mind." He rubbed the back of his neck in confusion. He wasn't the only one; "Brey." I looked at him seriously. "You mean to tell me that you're driving two blocks to our school because you felt the need to drop me off... When I live two blocks away?" I said it sarcastically, expecting a more realistic response, but he actually nodded. I roared with laughter. I mean, he really was a dork. He started to question my outburst, but I cut him off. "Just shut up and drive."

The drive was short and awkward because although we seemed to be playing around and over it, it was obvious that joking was our way of avoiding the inevitable. When we got to the school parking lot, only about eight or nine cars accompanied us. That's when it occurred to me; it was 8:00 and school didn't start for another hour and a half. Usually I was up at Van's house until late in the mornings and that's why time had completely slipped my mind.

The place was so quiet. It was almost surreal how during the day the place sounded like a crowded rave when it otherwise was completely silent and deserted. It didn't help that Brey and I sat silent for a while either. To be honest, the lack of sound started to eat me alive, so I finally blurted out what I was covering up the whole morning. Without looking him in his eyes, I said, "last night you took me to the park, got me ice cream, showed me the stars, and nearly kissed me. You made me feel like something... Something amazing was going to happen to me for once. You made me feel beautiful. Why?" I finally brought myself to turn and look at him. He was focused on the bouquet in my lap.

"I felt something with you that I haven't had with anyone else. I just wanted-" my eyes welled up with emotion and I held them with all of my power, trying not to unintentionally go off on him like I seemed to always do to people. "I know what you wanted, Brey, but what about what I wanted? Better yet what Danielle wants?" Brey narrowed his eyes and grumbled. "Danielle and I are done. I just can't bring myself to tell her. I mean, she's nice and all, but she's super clingy and controlling. We've been together for six months and broken up like twelve times. I was going to end it on our last date but- she was just too sweet to let down." I didn't know whether he was right or wrong in what he was doing.

"Brey; she deserves a fair break up like anyone else. I mean, it would hurt her more if she had found out that you were cheating on her." I felt better about the situation, though. Letting my feelings go in a more reasonable way actually felt good. Brey reached for my hand, and I pulled it away.

"What is it that you want me to do?" Brey gazed deep into my eyes, nervously. "I want you to trust in me when I say that you're beautiful and I know that we need to slow WAY down, but at least maybe one day we'll be together. But most of all, I want you and I to form a friendship. You're the only one I've ever felt comfortable with enough to tell my story, and that makes you special to me." It was so genuine and relieving to hear him say those things; to be honest, I was touched. In all my life I had never been admired or even seen as special the way he saw me for no reason and it felt amazing. So amazing I even shed a tear. I was so disappointed in myself for being such a pansy. I mean really, CRYING SO MUCH IN ONE DAY! Before I knew it, I was in another flashback, but this time it was different- it wasn't from rage but from love.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE CHAPTERS BEING POSTED!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

P.S. once again folks, some odd editing due to blogging on my IPod, but if when I look at it on the computer tomorrow it looks too jacked up, then I'll edit it properly. Sorry about that :S.

Trying To Get "Katrina" Back

Hey guys,

You can't believe how bad I feel for not blogging in so long, and once again, I've got excuses:
1. I was moving and so I even missed school because it was so hectic,
2. I'm settling in, so I spend a lot of time hanging around, checking things out,
3. I've been drowning in school work,
4. And I haven't been feeling myself recently.

I can't tell what it is, but I'm not feeling too peachy. I've been feeling extremely down and out and just completely and utterly helpless these last few weeks. I just hope I can get back into my groove soon because its affecting everything; my "friends" have left me in the dark, my ambition for school is wavering and as for how I feel about it, I just don't know. When I get home from school, I just feel kind of depressed, almost. I try to cheer myself up by playing with Waffle or taking a dip in my new house's 12- foot pool (I know! It's sooo deep and scary sometimes) but it just doesn't work all the time. I think what's worse is that I don't have anyone really that I can trust as a close friend to vent to since all of my "besties" have abandoned me and Amber's halfway across the globe.Therefore, I turn to you guys.

Lying here in the car, blogging and relaxing has actually reminded me how therapeutic this is; no, but seriously! Maybe this has been the missing link in my daily schedule. I mean, it's easy to say, "yeah- a post a day; got it!" But with a life like mine, I can never decide when to get it done.

Although I've got a lot on my plate, the feeling of seeing all of my readers actually hearing me makes me feel really proud of myself and it encourages me to do more. I promise that you guys are in my mind everyday and not a lack of desire, but a lack of time and place causes my extended periods of outdated posts on this blog.

I love you guys like sisters and even though I've been feeling like crap, I'm part of the Lowell Militia and we never back down.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

...You Just Said Goodbye...

Hey guys,

This is more of a solemn post today. It's about the loss of a friend. If you're familiar with my old "Journal of our Generation" posts, you'd remember a post discussing this. The loss of a friendship isn't a very pleasant thing and being a girl, this includes many tears, loads of hurt feelings and silent treatments lasting eons. Here's where it all began...

So lately, to be honest, I've been sucked into some drama because I just can't control my emotions. I've kinda been feeling down and homesick for some reason recently and it's got me on edge, so if someone says or does something, no matter how small, I blow it out of proportion and no, it isn't right and I've been working on it, but I guess Kayla and Bella (one of my other friends) have decided to distance themselves from me.

Of all the ways to find out that your two "best friends" want to get away from you, hearing that they plan on moving halfway across the classroom away from you doesn't feel peachy. My form teacher let me know what was happening and I just felt numb. I didn't know if I should've felt sad, angry, indifferent, understanding, and all of the other feelings. I was so shocked that it felt like I should've known. At any rate, I didn't want to talk about it, but my form teacher insisted that we did.

During our break we were brought in to discuss it. That day I learned that I was a controlling, insensitive, overbearing, non-censored person whom they no longer could deal with. Now, I could waste my time trying to convince you guys that they were insane in saying this stuff, but I'd rather not. I mean, I argued against it today because I was furious; some say hurt or whatever, but no- I was infuriated. Infuriated at the fact that instead of talking to me about anything they just wanted to pick up and leave me to figure things out on my own. I mean, they say that I need friends to get through things and yet the very two that I hold close want to be leaving. I just didn't get it. I will be honest, I didn't pay enough attention to their thoughts during the meeting, but I fought against everything because I just wanted it to be over and done with before I cried or said something I didn't mean because I was so upset. It was a screwed up situation, honestly...

I will say two things; first of all, yes I was upset at Kayla and Belle because since I considered them to be my close friends, I expected more than this from them. However, I'm over it; I mean, if they decided to keep my friendship tomorrow, I wouldn't refuse, but I would scale back. I would have to put them back to the starting point on my friendship meter because I need to learn to trust that they won't just pick up and leave like they did last time. I mean, I try not to hold grudges and I'm open to ye ol' reconciliation, but after three weeks? They seem fine without me, so why should I go and crash the party? In fact, sometimes, the way Belle looks at me is like she wants me to come and talk to them, but I'm sorry; I didn't see any problems with our friendship, ones that would cause ME to just walk away without saying a word, so please explain to me why I should take the initiative to work things out when you're the ones that broke it as far as I'm concerned.

I feel like this- I think that they all feel as if I don't value their friendship and please believe me, that's not the case. However, with a situation like this, it felt like they expected me to apologize for having the drama that I had and promise them that it won't happen again. Now, if they had been dragged into this drama and their lives made harder by me, absolutely! An apology would be headed their way immediately. When it comes to MY life an MY repercussions, then no; I don't owe anything to anyone. If that we're the game that we were playing, then they would've been made to promise to not make any mistakes this year, a promise obviously broken because nobody's perfect. The best that I could do was make it known that I was trying my best for ME and that if that wasn't good enough, then tough luck.

I guess it was harder at the start of it all because I felt a great deal of confusion, hurt and guilt, but after a while I felt stronger and I began to meet new people. I was once in a tight knit group of girls and with them I felt comfortable, but with them out on their own, I had to leave my comfort zone and try out new things. Sometimes that meant lunch alone with a book, but it's okay; In fact, I still sometimes do hang by myself, but I won't let it get me down. It took a lot of strength to do the right thing and do what was good for me, which was giving my old friendship an extended vacation or quite possibly a break off altogether, but I got stronger and it made me appreciate Amber's friendship even more. She might be the only one I have sometimes, but we practically grew up together; cried together, laughed together, and sometimes even fought with each other, but she always turns back around and gives me a hug, apologizing sometimes even for nothing because even though we feel like what we're mad about is big, our friendship is bigger than this whole world and we made it work. Maybe Kayla and Belle don't feel the same way about our friendship, and that's fine- not every friendship is the same, but I think that the hardest thing about this is that they just said goodbye...

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

P.s. if my sign off isn't purple or italicized, then I'm on my iPod. Just though you should know just in case it looks weird on the computer :).

"The Hunger Games" Chapters 3-4 Coming Out TOMORROW!!!

Hey guys,

Just another KBC update. I am reviewing chapters 3 and 4 of "The Hunger Games" tomorrow and I hope you take a peek. Last week I did chapters 1-2 and I was pretty disappointed that I didn't get any comments for that post. I just want to remind you guys that KBC is a book club and in order for a book club to really work properly, you need to get some input from other readers, so please try to participate if you can. Thanks guys!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

When People Can't Act Their Age

Hey Guys,

So I've just encountered someone who just can't ever act their age; her name is Jordan. I mean, Jordan is constantly trying to get a rise out of me by acting obnoxious and disrespectful, saying things that are uncalled for and just acting without a conscience. I wouldn't say that it drives me bonkers or anything, but I find her quite amusing. Sometimes I wonder if her acting out is just her way of finding herself or trying to seem cool, but I just wish she'd see that it does the complete opposite.

I have a high tolerance level because I understand that I can be above certain things; that I'm not one to "stoop down" to lower levels and therefore when I've got grown teenagers like Jordan acting immature it reminds me of how mature I am. In fact, I watched a dog video on youtube where there's this rather large dog (lets say a German Shepherd for instance) laying down, being prestigious and minding his own big dog business and then all of a sudden this cute, little puppy (Chihuahua perhaps???) comes and jumps all over the big dog, barking and acting frisky. What does the German Shepherd do? Look down at him saying in his head, "boy, you CRAZYYY," and continues with his big dog business as usual.

Now, I'm not just bringing up dog videos because I just watched a compilation of them on YouTube, but I bought it up because just how that big dog acts is just how I act. He understands that the Chihuahua was just being a puppy and therefore doesn't respond. Like the German Shepherd then, I look right over Jordan knowing that hopefully one day she'll grow up, even if it's by force.

Imagine I called up Annabelle to say hi and see how her weekend has been and my conversation is rudely interrupted because why? She was at Jordan's house and knowing that I'm Not a big fan of her, Jordan yells, "HI KATRINA! HI KATRINA! HI KATRINA! HI KATRINA! HI KATRINA!" I ignored her and continued with my conversation because I understand that she can't help it. She heard that it was me and felt the need to disturb my conversation to act like a 3 year old, but even 3 year olds get ignored when they start acting unreasonable. At any rate, yeah, I continued and not too much later I hear a bunch of disturbance in the background and realized that maybe I shouldn't talk to Annabelle at that point in time because I was going to be constantly interrupted. I could have stooped to Jordan's level and yelled back, but instead, I told Annabelle, "You know what? I'll call you later when we can have a conversation like grown-ups." With that we ended the conversation and that was that.

Now, what I didn't like was that Annabelle felt the need to call me back to apologize for Jordan's actions. It just made me feel bad. Jordan and I don't have a good relationship, but I've resolved to stay respectful and carry on but Jordan just can't do the same and you know what? That's her prerogative. I feel good knowing that I'm doing the right thing and that's all that matters. At the end of the day, though, we are both close friends of Annabelle's and I feel like Jordan uses her for spite. I don't want to treat Jordan a certain way or say something about her with Annabelle there because I know that she cares for Jordan and that would in turn hurt her, but sometimes it is hard. Being the bigger person isn't always easy; it isn't. Sometimes the way that Jordan talks about Annabelle makes me feel like she doesn't really value Annabelle's friendship but rather uses it to get under my skin. It obviously isn't working, but that's besides the point.

I'm usually the one with all the answers, but that has got me puzzled. What do you do when you want to tell your friend that who they think is a friend might actually be a foe in disguise without hurting their feelings? I couldn't tell you... I mean, look. Jordan reads my blog and she has left quite a few comments and I see them and I throw them in the trash on a regular basis, however, one comment stood out to me. So after the whole post that introduced Annabelle, I got a comment from her saying, "Thanks for the information about Annabelle; It'll come in handy." I laughed, figuring it was just what a 3 year old with internet access would say, and ignored it. Afterwords, though, she kept getting closer and closer to Annabelle and now Jordan has taken it upon herself to join my group of friends because she's friends with Annabelle. Now that she's hanging around my group, she's therefore hanging around me. Now that she's hanging around me, she makes it her daily goal to be as annoying as possible and you know what? Challenge accepted. She can fool Annabelle and whomever else she wants to, but I'm in the know.

I haven't told Annabelle anything about the comment and whatever because I'm a good friend and once again, I'm being the bigger person. I don't want to make it seem like I'm giving her information because I want to pit her against Jordan or whatever, so I'll leave it alone. If it is what I think it is, Jordan's true intentions will come to fruition soon enough. If being friends with Jordan makes her happy, then I'm okay with it. I really do value Annabelle's friendship and if Jordan is truly her friend, then she wouldn't try to jeopardize that either.

If anyone's got tips on how I should move forward, please press the comment button below this post and let me know. Thanks for reading!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Hey Readers,

So I just wanted to inform you guys about the first book being read in KBC. We will be reading, "The Hunger Games," a popular teen read and I'm sure many of you would enjoy it. Take a look at the book description on kbcinternational.blogspot.com (The HUnger Games by Suzanne Collins). Take a look!

Love Always <3,

Katrina Lowell

Why Don't You Try Celebrity Gossip?

Hey guys,

I finally got another Ask Katrina. Here it is:-

Hey Katrina!
So I've been reading your blogs and you know what? I would love to see some celebrity gossip posts from you. That'd be pretty cool...
- Karen

Hey Karen,

First of all, thanks for reading my blog! I'm really glad you enjoy my posts. Second of all, celebrity gossip? Not quite my forte. I do enjoy that occasional "Selena Gomez/ Justin Bieber Drama" headline, but as for writing it, I'm just not that... talented.

When you're doing "Celebrity Gossip," a lot of research and work is entailed in order to do it properly. You've gotta stay up to date with the stars' lives, get details into rumors and scandals, and all that "fun" stuff and I'm not too enthused about that form of writing as am I not too sure that I'd be a good person to write it. Therefore I'll leave that to Perez Hilton ;).

While I never say never, I highly doubt that I would write celebrity gossip on a regular basis. I mean, sure, I sometimes talk about celebrities in my Music Daily posts, but its on more of a light-hearted, non-critical sort of note, if that makes sense.

At any rate, I do appreciate your suggestion. It gives me an insight into what you guys are looking for, what entertains you, ways to make my blog better, and therefore I thank you. I encourage you to leave more comments about what you like and whatever else you'd like to see and even check out my other blog (kbcinternational.blogspot.com) since I'm looking to discuss the movies based on books and their actors pretty soon, so you might like that as well. Thanks again Karen and keep reading!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Amanda Todd's Story

Dear Readers,

I heard about this story from my friend Kayla yesterday and I only saw the video and understood what happened a few minutes ago. Amanda Todd was a girl just like us, a girl that was lead down a road- a dangerous road- by people that deceived her or whom she felt she could trust. Many of our peers are making mistakes like Amanda and you know what? It could happen to any of us. I sat here and watched this video, listened to this girl's story, and felt so sad. I wanted so badly to find out more about her, to see if there was any way that this blog could reach her, that somehow she could be inspired to keep going, to keep trying and to know that she wasn't alone. So, I quickly typed in "Amanda Todd" in the search bar and I was shocked by what I saw. Amanda Todd took her life this week and that's when this situation really entered reality. Girls, we need this to stop. Too many of us are ending our lives just as it's beginning and... it just hurts me to think about this.

I've felt alone before; yeah, I was bullied, but I always had the support of my family, teachers, and friends to keep me up and therefore it causes great pain to imagine if, like Amanda Todd, I didn't (or didn't feel as if I) had the support that I needed to keep going. To be honest, I broke down upon learning about what happened to her because I can relate. It's not quite in the same type of problems, but in the struggle to keep her sanity and the struggle to be who she was in a world that was trying to change her.

To top it off, she was being cyberbullied. This is a type of bullying that I'm not too familiar with, but my name has been tossed around on Facebook (and I don't even have a Facebook account) and it doesn't feel nice to hear about the different things that they say about me; but to have someone put up things like, "I hope she kills herself" is insane! Why is it necessary? I mean, what would possess that person to say something so hateful about this girl? When your in certain situations, sure, you might think, "Gosh, I wish that person would just disappear" or something, but I would never have the gaul to vocalize (or even think for that matter) that someone should die or commit suicide. It's just so irrational and irresponsible to say such a thing so someone. What I'm thinking is that I would love to hear from these same bullies and ask them how it feels to have a 15 year old's blood on their hands. She took her life because they made life miserable for her. Gosh, life is full of joys and pleasures and they pretty much yanked it out of her hands. It's so disappointing and heart-wrenching to think about the things that we humans (especially teens) have been doing to each other.

Now, Amanda's mom has set  up a fundraiser for anti-bullying and mental disorders through the Royal Bank of Canada. I am going to ask you guys to do whatever you can to at least put a penny into that fundraiser. I am so serious about this cause that I am going to work with my school to gather money to give to the Royal Bank of Canada to help out. We need to help each other, girls. Amanda took her life, but she tried saving thousands of others. Let's try to help Amanda save more.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Katrina's Book Club

Hey guys,

Yes, KBC International is up and running. I finally bit the bullet and sat down to create my book club. I'm excited and I really hope that KBC will be as successful, if not more, than this blog. I don't have much time left to elaborate, but I encourage you all to take a look. The URL is kbcinternational.blogspot.com and there is an introductory post there waiting for you. Don't forget to vote on the poll, comment and share to all your reading buddies!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

A Change of Heart, A Change of Direction

Hey guys,

So I know that I haven't posted in awhile and it's just because I've felt the need to... grow up a little. I mean, I read my posts about the "snakes" and "Miranda" and all that crap and I felt sick to my stomach. Not sick for any other reason besides the fact that I realized what I had done; I had become someone I know that I'm not and someone I don't ever want to be.

In the heat of a situation, upon an influx of emotions, in the eyesight of teary eyes, you don't quite see things in a rational light. I mean, you do things that you, on a normal sunny day, wouldn't do and you almost always say things that you probably never meant to become vocal. At any rate, it's wrong and I have needed to take a step back to realize this.

When the school year started, I encountered a mirage of problems that I wasn't too prepared to handle all at once. For instance, you guys were introduced to Miranda quite a few months ago and you may have each made your own opinions of her, unbiased opinions at that. Why? Because I told the stories the exact way that they occurred. However, I've been telling these new stories with an incredible lean towards my opinion of Miranda and her friends by referring to them as snakes. Snakes are animals, not humans. They don't work off of feeling, but instinct; not love, but instinct; not conscience, but instinct. They're animals and I can't expect y'all to see them as anything else if I keep putting them in that light, so I realized that I needed to stop.

As for Miranda, I have my own personal feeling about her and what she's about and I'm sure everyone has different takes on it, but that's not the point. I write in this blog not because I don't have a life or I feel like airing out other people's business to make them feel bad, but to make myself feel better. I started this blog because I felt like I didn't quite have a voice and that I had things to say that others felt shouldn't be heard. At any rate, I will continue to do so, but I realize that unlike my diary, this is public and if them were to come across my blog and make the connections (as they have), I could imagine that they wouldn't feel too good about it. Granted, the fact that these stories are even posted doesn't really please them, but at least my conscience will be at ease knowing that everything said was factual and completely unbiased by my commentary.

Now, I know this isn't an incredibly long post, but I want this to mark my turning of a new leaf, so to speak. I want this to make all of my future posts shine in a brighter light and I just want to work in a new direction.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

A True Ugly Duckling Story

She had never considered herself "pretty" per say. I mean, she had kinky dark hair, a space between her two front teeth and her sense of style was... well, it didn't include daisy dukes and mesh tops. Her main asset was her brain. At the age of 11 she had an IQ of 126; an extraordinary score for her age. She was always on Honor Roll and her state test scores were amazing.

One thing that she knew was that even though she wasn't the "prettiest" according to society's definition, she was a beautiful girl within. She was hard-headed but sweet and somewhat shy. She hated confrontation, hated negativity, hated hatred. I mean, she did have her moments here and there, but in all, she was just all around pleasant.

One day a new student was introduced to her art class and she couldn't stop blushing. He was very tall, had a deep voice, and he just had this aura about him that she loved. Unfortunately there were three things in her way:
1. He was quite a few years older than her,
2. Her parents didn't approve of her dating and
3. Most of all, she "wasn't as attractive" as most of the girls that these boys nowadays are pining for.

He came and sat down in front of her, turned around and smiled. That's when she saw his glossy, marble-like brown eyes. It was like she was looking into a whole new world. She felt as if she has fallen into a trance; so distant that she hadn't noticed when he introduced himself and put out his hand for her to shake. She shook off all of the thoughts about him and just smiled and shook his hand.

Over a period of three months they developed a close friendship. So close, in fact, that any of the feeling that she had developed on that first day had dissipated and she found that she valued his friendship more than most. It was probably because he was a boy, so no drama had ensued between the two of them that would happen between girls. Besides that, he was older and was able to help out with homework and give simple advice about growing up. He was smart, kind and altogether a great friend. Then it all changed.

One of her friends overheard him tell his best friend that he was gonna ask her out. She panicked because she knew that she would have to reject him and that it would change the whole dynamic of their relationship. She sent out a friend to convince him not to do it, but she was too late. He asked her to not go on a date, but to be his girlfriend because he didn't need to learn anymore about her to know that he had fallen in love. She was close to tears because no one had ever said that to her. I mean, she was the type of girl that would get tagged in a "forever alone" Facebook pic. She swapped phone numbers with him and let him know that she was going to think about it. As soon as her mom got home she told her that someone asked her out. She didn't tell her what he said, who he was or (especially) how old he was. Even then her mom said no and told her to let him down easy. She sat there staring at her cell phone, trying to decide how to do this. Then she decided to wait til the next day.

When she arrived at school, she hesitantly walked over to the boy and asked to talk... in private. He said that anything that she had to say could be said in front of his friends. Although she tried to convince him otherwise, he was intent on staying where he was. Reluctantly, she told him that they couldn't be together, but right as she was going to explain why and everything, his friends started to cry... with laughter, and he was joining in. By then, she had a sick feeling inside; she knew what was happening.

He patted her on the back and said, "thank god, because I was feeling bad for you and thought you could need a boyfriend but I didn't quite want to be the one to do it." she couldn't believe it; I mean, he had just HUMILIATED her in front of everyone! Her eyes became glassy with tears and he saw it. He stopped laughing and started approaching her, but she slowly backed away. His demeanor softened instantly; almost like he hadn't realized what he did to her. Before running off, she looked him in the eyes and said, "do I really look like I need help?" She ran as fast as she could to the bathroom where she wept until the bell rang. At that point she got up, washed her face, and looked in the mirror, thinking to herself, "In this world of vanity and superficiality, do I even have a place?" and with that she went through the school day. The boy hadn't made any attempt to talk to her, but gave her guilty looks from across the way. At the end of the day, instead of sticking around to play basketball with his friends, like usual, he called for a ride as soon as he got out. Soon after then, his car approached the curb and he got in. That was the last day of school, and since he had transferred to another district that year, she never saw him again. Here's when life sometimes flips.

The next year, she was out of that school and into a homeschooling program. She decided to leave that school behind, as it promoted looks and money more than it did the importance of education. She put on some braces to fix her teeth, got a haircut and replaced her wardrobe; not for the people around her, but for herself. Her grades boosted tremendously and she got into extracurricular actives such as a Glee group, roller skating classes and a soccer camp. After a while, most of the drama associated with her old school vanished from her mind, so imagine her surprise when she got a text from an unfamiliar phone number:

"Hey Katrina, It's Chad. I know you probably hate me after what I did to you, but that's why I sent you this text; what I did that day was wrong, but I just couldn't believe that you rejected me. Instead of facing the possible humiliation, I flipped it over on you and now I've felt like I won't ever see you again, and you'll never know how I truly felt. Although you aren't like the others, you're one of a kind and I miss you. Please reply."

Imagine yourself in this situation; I mean, what would you do?
1. Feel so tickled pink that you'd forget everything that happened that day and you text him back saying, "aww, how sweet of you to send me this! Let's start over, okay???"
2. Express your hatred of him and tell him never to talk to you again,
3. Let him know that while you forgive him, you don't want anything to do with him, or
4. Ignore, block and delete?

I want you guys to vote in the poll to the right of this page and in one week, I will send out the continuation of this post so that you can see what I chose to do.

STAY TUNED!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

A Little Clarification for Snakes and Field Mice Alike

Ok Readers,

So of course Miranda and the snakes read my post because... well, they can't help themselves. I think that most of them got the point and some of the others were just way off the ball, and that's why this post has come into existence.

The purpose of my last post, as I said at the end of it, was not to put anyone on blast because at the end of the day, this blog is where I share my life experiences; therefore Mason, Saphania, Miranda and the Snakes just so happen to come into play because they are the ones that I have encountered so far in my school life. I mean, I had one of the girls that hangs out with Miranda (really sweet; her name is Rachel) come to me and apologize for anything that she may have done to hurt my feelings and she wanted to make sure that  didn't hate her. A misunderstanding like that makes me write these posts. Just like how I completely misunderstood ZZ Ward's music video making skills, right? Anyhow, I want to first commend Rachel; she is who I would concider a true Lowell Soldier. She was confident enough to go out of her way to make sure that 1. she didn't offend me and 2. that I didn't feel negatively against her. How much you wanna bet that Miranda and her snakes weren't fond of this idea? How much? I mean, Miranda was close by and I could literally SMELL the discontent, but you know what? I told Rachel just what needed to be said:

First of all, I have nothing bad to say about you. In fact, you are nothing like the snakes that I spoke about. You know why? Because you have a strong enough personality to make your own decisions about who you want relationships with and for what reason and I respect that. The snakes are the complete opposite and that's why they have had such a heated reaction to my post; they know who they are and so they are either ashamed for what they look like to everyone else who sees how they treat me and they just don't want to show it, or they are infuriated because it was so easy for me to find them out. You, on the other hand, knew that you didn't match the description of a snake and still apologized, and I respect that to the fullest. Now, as for hatred, I can't hate anyone. I mean, hey; I'm human. Of course I feel that fire in my belly sometimes and just want to release the anger, but I'm better than that. I am way too busy and I have too many goals to achieve this year to focus on something as hideous as hating on someone else. I leave that for the snakes and them who have nothing else to do but hate. They obviously don't have hobbies, they don't focus on their grades (and that's why many of them failed five out of 12 subjects last year), and they don't have the joys of having a life to keep them occupied, so I let them do their thing. I give them something to do, I mean, I feel bad for them. All in all, though, I am trying to promote a worldwide revolution, even if it's one girl per continent, that encourages the strength and assertiveness of females. The confidence to know that there's at least one other girl out there that is backing her up until the end. That imaginary "hand-in-hand" image where even in the most heated of battles, a girl can close her eyes and trust that the Lowell Militia is there for her. That's what I want more than anything right now. I swear, if you told me that I would have to give up every audition coming up now and in the future, give up my IPod, give up anything that I look forward to having just to have that dream come true, so be it. I would discard everything with a smile on my face, too. You know why? Because then someone else would find the strength inside of them to smile, too.

Now, snakes. Where did that name come from and how does it pertain to certain people? Well, here's the answer. We've been looking into American Independence in History (one of my favorite subjects) and certain things just clicked in my brain. Many bloggers relate to their readers as their nation just as the British colonies in America wanted to be seen as, right. Ok, well in order for changes to be made to make living fair for that nation, they needed to fight back against Britain. Sure they were small, but they built a militia with what the had and they stood confidently against the Red Coats and guess what? They won. Just like them, we are a rather small nation, but in order to break away from unfair situations, be it verbal or physical bullying, difficult people and any other "bullet" directed towards you, you need to be able to walk up to whatever it is, assert yourself and address the problem. There's no way to lose when you're handing your problems in a responsible, respectful yet firm way. Now, back to the snakes. The name made even more sense when I saw this:

I don't believe in war or anything, but when I saw this battle flag, it said a lot to me. It told me what the American Colonists were about and what we, as strong, respectable girls, are about as well; fighting back. Here's a little historic background for you failing history (LOL); the rattlesnake not only represents where the 13 American colonies were located in Northern America, but it was also a reminder to the British. Believe it or not, it was customary for the British to send down convicted criminals to America. Therefore, the American Colonists decided to be a little sassy and as a "thank you" for dragging down the worst of the worst to their colonies, they sent rattlesnakes to Britain. Funny, huh. Anyways, it symbolizes the persistence of the Americans in their fight for fairness within their colonies. Fortunately for them, by the end of the battle, Britain allowed them to be an independent nation altogether and now there lays America; one of the most powerful countries in the world. 

Well that was quite a history lesson, eh? At any rate, the snakes for me are the girls that are always being sent out to go against me, even when rather than sending back criminals, I send out positive vibes. They don't care and so I say, "Bring it on. I'm gonna win either way." 

In conclusion, I wrote this to make certain clarifications and I want to thank Rachel again for being brave enough to stand out and let me know of her concerns. Maybe we need a person like you to make a revolution of the snakes, LOL. But no, thanks again, really.

Love Always <3,

Katrina Lowell

International Hellos!

Hey,

So I was so intrigued by how many of you from around the world read my blog and I had wanted to talk to each of you guys in your own language. With the help of Google Translate (thanks guys), I present to you... International Hellos.


America

Hello America!
Ah, my fellow Americans. How are you all? I miss the USA so much. I love how everyone is so friendly (well, most of the time), I love the American accent, I miss Barack Obama :(. It pleases me, though, to see that my country has topped the list of most views with a whopping 463 views. That is so amazing and thank you all for making my day. I hope you continue to read and enjoy my blogs and while I sometimes get swamped with the waters of life, I will always try my hardest to make it out to you guys who are dedicated to me and my blog. You all are the reason I still write...
Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell


Russia

Здравствуйте России!
Это Катрина Лоуэлл и я люблю, как это выглядит на русском языке. Я не очень много знаю о России, но то, что я знаю, что девушки, кажется, быть дисциплинированным, трудолюбивым, сильным и красивым внутри и снаружи.Я призываю вас всех, чтобы прочитать мою столько, сколько вы можете.Конечно, я признаю, я не всегда подскажет, когда дело доходит до написанияблога, но я буду стараться изо всех сил. Верьте или нет, мой первый зрительблог был из России и с тех пор у меня было примерно сто тридцать четыревидом из вашей страны в одиночку, размещение вы третий мой топ-листвзгляды. Я люблю вас, ребята, я имею в виду, ты мой международные друзья и я надеюсь, что в один прекрасный день встретить хотя бы одного из вас.Берегите себя!

Любовь всегда <3,
Катрина Лоуэлл

Germany

Grüße Deutschland!
Ich habe nicht viel Aussicht von euch, aber das ist okay. Ich weiß, es ist mindestenseiner von euch da draußen, die meinen Blog liest, so oft haben sie legteDeutschland vierte mit 60 Ansichten auf meiner Liste. Jedenfalls habe ich sehr viel über Deutschland gehört, über Ihre Traditionen, Ihre Geschichte, und ich liebe die Art und Weise Sie alle sprechen. Wie ich schon sagte, ich bin Amerikaner undwährend ich unseren Akzent und unsere Sprache lieben, ist es sehr spannend,eine andere schöne Dialekt einmal in eine Weile zu hören. Jedenfalls haben ein großartiges Jahr, Deutschland, und ich liebe meine schöne Fan (s), wie enge Freunde. Lesen Sie weiter! :)


Liebe Immer <3,
Katrina Lowell

United Kingdom

Hey guys!
I remember that a while back you guys were topping the charts? What happened? You guys are fifth with 41 views and I'm super sad, ya'll... depressed actually. LOL, just kidding, but I really encourage you guys to read, read, read. Share the blog with teachers, classmates, friends, family; anyone you know might enjoy as much as you do. 463 views is the one to beat; show America that you know what it means to be a soldier in the Lowell Militia; hahaha. Take care!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Now, I've got wayyyy more countries to go, but those are the list of my top five. Stay tuned for the continuation. Who knows; your country might be next...

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Try Me- I'm Ready This Time...

So I'm back in school and I'm so glad to be with my friends again, learning new things and just settling back into the groove, right? I already explained to you guys how I plan on dealing with this new school year and the idiots that jump out of the bushes every once in a while as well. So imagine my excitement when I finally get to put it into play. Check out these experiences:

Ok, so I'm hanging out with my friends during our lunch break and we are laughing hard (as always) and out if nowhere, this chick named Mason (as I'll call her) and her friend Saphina (also a fake name) come and push right through me, ON PURPOSE, and start conversing between themselves like nothing happened. Everyone stopped talking and I turned to the girls and said, "have you any manners? Don't touch me again." She then had the audacity to go "touch!" and laugh as she touched me. What she didn't expect was for me to grab her as hard as I could, push her off and say, "I DARE you to touch me again. I'm not about that this year. Watch your step." She then had her words about what school I'm not at because I would get beat up and all that crap. I knew that she was running her mouth because she had gotten embarrassed by what she would consider to be a loser (LOL). It's okay, because I've still got the "zenity" (my own made up word for all y'all that were about to grab your dictionaries or open a new tab in Google to look it up ;). It simply means being zen; cool and collected) in my blood.

Watch this though; they came back to me to apologize for their actions approximately 2 minutes later. You know what that told me? My new year strategy was working. I don't want to be the Wicked Witch of America, but if I need to make myself clear to anyone as to what I'm about, then by all means, I will.

That brings me to my next story; Annabelle. She's a new student, also from the states and we clicked immediately. We were put into a group together a week ago in our P.E. class and I introduced myself and she seemed super nice, so I invited her to sit with us at lunch the next day and so she did. We've been hanging out now everyday before school, lunchtime and after school. She has really fit into our group and she calls us "chill" (LOL, love that phrase). At any rate, I don't know her very well, so she's not my best friend just because we've hung out a couple times, but she's an acquaintance that I'm getting to know because she seems as if she would be a very nice friend to have.

Before I move on, I must announce that Miranda is back on the scene with her group of snakes; scaly, venom injecting creatures. I've wondered if they even have minds of their own. I mean, I've had friends that don't like others, but I won't change my opinion of them because my friend feels a way about them. No! It's called being an individual and only people with weak personalities would see it differently. I don't mean that sticking up for your friend where it counts is bad, but just blacklisting someone because someone else has is pathetic. Anyhow, that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, so... Okay, as I said before, Miranda seems to be ready for a second round because she doesn't have anything better to do besides talking about me and trying to make my school experience difficult. All I have to say is that I'm over what happened last year and as I said before, Miranda doesn't exist in my world; she's insignificant. She didn't birth me, raise me, save my life, and she's not Jesus. On top of that, she treated me like crap last year, so she's obviously not a friend of mine. That being said, Miranda only exists to me if she puts her hands on me. Any talk that she has for or about me won't phase me what so ever. Heck, she could come up in my ear with her foul mouth and I wouldn't even care, but if she somehow lays a finger on me, I'll defend myself to the end.

I brought that up because I found it interesting that after a while, Miranda decided to drag Annabelle off and Annabelle didn't tell us that she was leaving. I didn't care because Annabelle is new, so she needs to be able to hang out with various people and get a feel for them. And besides, I already knew why Miranda pulled her off and Annabelle's smart; I was sure that she'd catch on, too. After about 20 minutes, we saw Annabelle coming our way an just as I had suspected, she felt more at home with us and I knew from then on that she was going to be a sister. As I said in my last post, my friends are more like family, and she's squeezing into the family tree already.

The next few days were awkward; the snakes were starring me down and had this coldness to them. I honestly don't care because as far as I'm concerned, I've got grades to upkeep and auditions coming soon for things bigger and better than them. Therefore, they think that I'll cower in a corner because they stare at me and say nasty things. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes... yeah right. All it does is give me conformation that I'm really important to them. I mean, maybe that's not how they want it to come across, but I encourage any of my readers who get that kind of negative attention to make it feel like a positive one. They laugh at you because your hair is wild one day. Laugh with them; laughing is good for your heart, you know. They talk bad about you, then you're a star. I mean, don't tabloids do the same thing? Then look at what I hear-they read my blog! I was so excited that as soon as I got home I went to check my overview. Guess how many page views I got yesterday, IN ONE DAY?: 81. 81 from my Island, obviously being them, and it just reminded me that these people have nothing else to do but check up on me. That makes me feel special, LOL. As I said, just changing a negative into a positive. Btw- HEY GUYS; NICE TO SEE THAT YOU'RE BACK, READING MY BLOG AGAIN! Join my website, kay?

As for the future, I have very little to say about them. I ignore them and live my life the way I want to and I don't plan on changing anything about myself. When I look in the mirror, I smile because who I'm seeing is a talented, intelligent, optimistic, creative; beautiful girl. I am everything I've ever hoped to be and all they do is make me a better person. I tolerate them and it makes it easier to tolerate the other annoyances in life. They spread the word about me being a bad influence (which is outrageous because I actually encourage others to do good, which is in effect what you do when you're an influential person. Maybe when they can provide people with hard evidence then maybe we could talk. If only it existed... **sigh**), and it just encourages me to prove them wrong. Then I ensure that I treat everyone deserving of it with due respect, strive for first in class this term, and just let Katrina shine. Once I do that, anyone in doubt would have to see the person that I am. I'm so fun to be around and my friends and I make sure that everything that we do is light of heart and just altogether jubilant. I love who I am, so shout out to my haters- sorry you couldn't phase me.

Last but not least, a note for my readers. Be who ever you want to be and never doubt yourself because someone else makes it their life's goal to bring you down. In life, there will always be winners and losers and if you let the haters get through to your head, then you lose; that's just not fair. Even though I don't know half of you guys, when I check my stats and see all of my fans that find themselves on their computers everyday, reading about my life and actually enjoying what I have to say, I feel this warmth inside of me. A feeling of kinship, as I like to say. You know, people say that I don't have a lot of friends, that I'm not popular, that nobody cares about my ideas. But you know what, I have my hundreds of readers that live in Russia, Indonesia, Turkey, Hungary, the USA, Europe, Spain, Thailand, Australia, and so many other places around the world. If all of you guys are my friends via this blog, then I am kinda popular, aren't I? Hmmm... And not popular for being anyone other than myself, eh? How puzzling...

At any rate, Fans, the whole meaning of this post was to not put anyone on blast, but to encourage you all to join the "Lowell Militia." To band together, nation to nation, and find the strength to fight back saying, "Try me- I'm ready this time... cause I ain't no hollaback girl :)"


Love Aways <3,
Katrina Lowell

LOL, I've Been Written Off...

Hey guys,

Yes, it has most definitely been a while and I apologize. I mean, between trying to settle back in at home (yep, the vaca in the USA has sadly ended) and studying for school next month and cleaning my room, getting it ready for the multiple hours that I will be cooped up inside it when school starts back, either preparing for tests, doing homework or any of the other himmy jimmy that comes with it. I'm feeling optimistic about the new school year in that I've already set academic and athletic goals for the next year, but I'm still worried about some things.

For instance, the idea of having about 15 classes a week, having an extra class, extending my school day by 40 minutes (which may not feel like a long time, but by my 4th period, I'm ready to go home, but 7?! It's unbelievable. Plus, I've only ever had an integrated science class, but now we have it separated into 3 different classes and you know what? I'm actually scared, believe it or not. I'm not worried about my ability to excel as a top student but I just don't want to struggle to get there. Sure, in life, success isn't just handed to you, but you know, I don't want to be stressed out this year. I just want an easy year where I do my school work the best that I can, where I am able to grasp the concepts and where I am able to just float to the top; do you think that I'm asking for too much? Probably.

Now, here's where the title really comes into play: I've been written off by a good 97% of my schoolmates. I mean, it's sorta hard to forget that many of them still find me responsible for putting Tony out of the school. Oh, and by the way, Amber White reminded me that I'm now talking about two Tony people and I apologize, so I'm now talking about real life Tony, not the bad boy from "Beautiful." Anyhow, back to my point, I am pretty much a common outlaw. I don't get acknowledged when I walk past, if I talk to them, they look at me like I've got an un-curable, highly contagious skin disease that makes your skin peel off the bone, and saying my name before or after a positive comment is almost like cursing in front of a preacher. It's ridiculous!

Look, it isn't easy to get into my school uniform knowing that I can't be proud of my school because while many other aspects of it are nice, quite a few of the kids there aren't. I always laugh when people say, "oh, you're at the _______ school! I heard that its lovely there." Now, I don't want to give my school a bad reputation by saying, "You're kidding, right?" but it just makes me chuckle.

My school has so much potential and I believe that we could get somewhere positive, somewhere that makes our school even better. Sure they have a "no bullying" policy and zero tolerance for quite a few other foul behaviors, but it's about enforcing it to the fullest extent and encouraging the students to really not participate in it in the fist place, right? But you know what?; I have realized that maybe the school won't be able to accomplish this in the time that I'm going to be there so I have to be the one making some changes.

I feel like I try to be too calm and collected, that I have too much of a Martin Luther King Jr. philosophy, that I'm just a little too zen. Therefore Katrina has made a few adjustments over the Summer and I'm not sure my fellow classmates will like it.

I've decided that maybe people don't deserve all the chances that I give them, and because I had faith that the whole Tony incident would just "blow over" I didn't hold anything against anyone for what they did. That's what's happening from now on since my kindness has been taken for weakness. I've done some "writing off" of my own and I swear, by the time I make it through those gates next month, people like Miranda and them will NOT exist to me. In fact, I've already started to forget how she looks. My social focus this year is to spend time thinking and caring about my friends; these being the ones that think and care about me. My acquaintances are gonna remain acquaintances until I think that I can really trust them and get along with them in a way that friends do. You see the "friends" that I had that just deserted me when everything went downhill? It told me that "writing off" was to be done with them immediately, and so the list went down in my head. More and more incidents where people acted in a disgusting manner towards me arose and I realized something else.

I love my friends to death; I mean, many of them stood up for me when I wasn't even present to defend myself and they supported me through it like a family almost. That's why I tend I refer to them at school as not my pals, classmates, or even close friends, but brothers and sisters. Because of this, I'm planning on putting together some hang outs, be it at my house, at the beach, at the movies; anywhere, jut so we can all spend time together. It was just so cool how two groups of friends that I had just seemed to morph into one and it makes me really happy to know that I'll be able to see them again when school starts back.

I don't want anyone to think that I'm coming back to school with a grudge against anyone, but you know what? It's my way of protecting myself; I was somewhat hurt and distracted by a series of events that happened last year and the only way for me to ensure that they don't pick back up where they started is to delete those people from my memory. In effect, the problems that they brought with them will also go away and I'll have more room in my brain for the positive parts of next year to occupy.

Also, don't get me wrong; I won't be nasty to anyone, but I'll just be indifferent. Maybe if I get a sincere apology then I'll consider giving them another chance, but I just need time to start a new, you know.

I always know that one person that seems to cringe their way through the first day of school perhaps because they are scared of something that come with the new school year, but you wanna hear my advice on it? Dominate it😏. Im serious, though; make whatever it is know that you're a little different too and that you came to be on top, nowhere near the bottom.

That's it for today. I know last time I promised to give you a "Journal of our Generation" post, but you know what? Consider this one; one about the new school year. Hopefully you've been able to take away something from it and I wish you the best during the 2012-2013 school year!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Ask Katrina... "Is That Really Love?"

Okay, so this is a new part of my blog called "Ask Katrina." Ask Katrina has been inspired by specific questions brought up by my close friends, ones that probably wont be covered by "Journal Of Our Generation" (which will be back up in the next post, so stay tuned ;)). These may be important to the inquirer, or even my other readers that are able to relate. I want this to expand beyond my personal friends, but to you guys, my international friends, out there. Ask anything and I'll answer to the best of my ability, unbiased and without judgement. You will be made anonymous under a given name, like I usually do, so you won't be recognized by anyone; we can keep it between us :). All you have to do is leave a comment under ANY post with your question. It goes into my inbox where I can read it without posting it to the blog, so only I can see it, no worries.

Now, I'm no Dr. Phil and I'm not the most experienced person, but I take time to evaluate things by looking at the pros and cons of every situation, so whether I've been in the same position or not, I can help you to make a decision that's good either way. That's how it is with my first question:

"Hey Katrina. So here's my problem; My boyfriend and I recently got into an argument because of boundaries. He invited me to a late night movie along with some other friends, but not only would I have to sneak out, but my parents don't want me going out with him when they aren't around. I chose to stay home and since then, about a week now, he's been avoiding me and ignoring my texts and phone calls. Chris* (my boyfriend) is upset because he thinks that if we are in a relationship that we should be sacrificing boundaries for each other, but is that really love? Please help, me Katrina....
Sincerely,
Julia*"

Okay, so I thought long and hard about this one because I didn't really know what to say. I mean, as you guys know, I have never been in a relationship and probably wont be for a few more years, so I'm typically not an advice giver when it comes to this topic, but you know what? Maybe I do have a few things to say...

Okay, Julia. So I hear what your saying and I completely agree with you as to having boundaries for yourself and not wanting to disappoint your parents. My parents always tell me, "You slip you slide," meaning that once I break their trust that it will be a loooonnnnngggg process trying to get it back. It's almost like working hard to rake up 47 acres of land covered in 7 inches of leaves into a neat pile and then having a great gust of wind just scatter it out everywhere. Therefore, I applaud you for making the decision to stay home instead of going and taking that risk. I'm going to be honest; It isn't love, and I'll explain why.

 Dictionary.com refers to love as being a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. That being said, it obviously doesn't spell out love word for word since it applies to different people in different ways, but it sure does help. I personally think that if you honestly care about someone then you accept them for who they are; I mean, you won't agree on everything, but you know what? You respect their boundaries. For instance, my friends and I love each other dearly. I'm sure having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is different, but I'm sure not too much. Anyhow, yeah, my friends and I don't always get along. Maybe they made an offensive comment, or vice versa. Maybe they did something that I didn't agree with. Maybe they insist on pushing me to do something that I'm not comfortable doing, so in the end, we could end up not communicating for a few days. But let me tell you something; if I really want to continue the friendship because the person is important to me, as important as I claim they are, then I will suck it up and accept that what happened can be squashed. Now, I'm not saying that if the act was truly, unforgivably offensive to you to just ignore it, but what I am saying is that Chris needs to understand that sneaking out isn't what you want to do and in the end to just move on with it.

Beyond even that, I don't think that he should be ignoring you. People who care about each other try to work things out, and the best way to do that is through communication; it really is. I don't want to be biased, however, so maybe I should put myself in Chris' eyes. Maybe he was disappointed that he wasn't able to spend time with you that night, to go and see a movie with you, and so he's just blowing off steam. Sure, maybe. He might even feel uncomfortable with your parents everywhere you guys go and might be trying to get quality time, just the two of you. I don't know because, at the end of the day, none of those things could make me so upset that I treat someone so special to me like he has treated you, but I'm not Chris, you know? So I really don't know where he's coming from, but my point is that maybe both you and I are missing the real problem that Chris is having with the situation. Maybe you need to give it some time until he comes around and lets you know  how he feels and move from there.

Now, if Chris' problem is really that you wouldn't go against your parents' requests, then you need to have a discussion with him. There's nothing wrong with telling him no; telling him that you refuse to go against what you believe in, whether he likes it or not. If it were me, I would give him an ultimatum. Tell Chris, "You know what? If you don't like it, then maybe you need to move on." I can understand that the chance of him saying, "Fine. We're done" could be heart breaking, but think about it; who do you love more? Your parents that have always loved you, despite anything that you've done; they give you whatever you need/want and they will ALWAYS care for you or the boyfriend that loves you now, but you're not certain will love you later, the one that makes you feel guilty for making a decision that is good enough for you but not for him? I mean, is it really worth the risk of losing their trust to maintain you guys' relationship? Think about it.

So, you know what? I believe in the saying "If you don't stand for something, you'll stand for anything." It really is true, I mean, today it's sneaking out to go to a movie. What's next? Asking you to go to a party that you know is going to have illegal drug usage and liquor? You never know, so it's always better to be safe than sorry. Therefore, what Chris says about sacrificing boundaries that you have put up (ultimately to protect yourself from due harm) is complete rubbish; that is NOT what love really is, Julia.

I hope that I was able to help you with your dilemma and I wish you all the luck with Chris. As I said earlier, maybe both of us are way off and he's really upset about something else, so don't go flying up to him, accusing him of anything without knowing what's really going on; and even then, it's always best to approach situations in a calm manner and with an open mind.

Well, that's been Ask Katrina. Thanks for reading! Remember, you can ask me your OWN questions and I just might choose to answer it on the blog...

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

*The names in this post have been changed from the original ones given to me in the question upon the inquirer's request.

ZZ Ward... I Stand Corrected!

Okay Readers,

Now ZZ Ward appeared on my blog sometime this week in a Music Daily post called 7.19.12- ZZ Ward "'Til The Casket Drops". I explained how much I love her voice and her song and how talented she was, but I did criticize her music video skills. I figured that since she was so used to performing with a guitar and on a stage and not being staged on a set, that that was why she was so awkward doing music videos. Therefore, I figured that most of her videos would be the same bad outcome, but she surprised me. I saw a video of a song called "Better Off Dead" from her Eleven Roses mixtape and I was stunned. It's a simple, obviously low cost, music video but it was entertaining and just an altogether good job. 

Therefore, I want to apologize to ZZ Ward and show you guys how great she is in her "Better Off Dead" music video, so here you go. Enjoy!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

7.23.12- Justin Bieber "Boyfriend"

Hey Guys,

No, I just couldn't resist. I mean, how come Justin Bieber hasn't made it to my blog yet? Here's where I have to break the news; I'm a BELIEBER! Yes I am, Justin Foreva!

This song is just... amazing to me. It's a great transition into his puberty sound. I mean, we all remember "One Time" and "One Less Lonely Girl" where his hair was long, he was short, and his voice was cute. But now, Justin isn't cute; he's SWAG! He even admits it in most of the song. You know, where he goes, "I got money in my hand that I'd really like to blow- swag, swag, swag- on you." It's just all so awesome :D.

I don't get why everyone wants to hate on Biebs. I know that he has a cutesy look to him, like a little boy and his voice is getting there, but that doesn't make him a girl, ya know; In that case, about one in three boys that you know are all girls. I'm sure you still view them as boys, so don't hate.

I'm not gonna be biased for this blog. I'm going to be objective and I will say that Justin is over-rated; he is. He's not god, I'll tell you that, so when fellow teenage girls come around crying at the sight of him... well, I shake my head. You'd swear he promised to resurrect their long lost dog or something. NO! HE IS A SINGER (a rather good looking one at that), NOT OUR SAVIOR. Chillax, as I like to say it.

Anyhow, I like this song a lot. The lyrics should speak to most guys; Justin even admits it himself. This song is like a "Boyfriend For Dummies" manual, telling them everything that good boyfriends should do. Now, don't get me wrong; I'm not one to give advice since I've never had a boyfriend, so hey! I could be wrong, but when I think about a good boyfriend figure, I would sum them up with this song.

To top it off, the music video is... oh so cool. He has a nice car, nice clothes, and just an altogether cool atmosphere for a music video. I love it <3 :).

Once again, don't hate; appreciate... hey, even the whales enjoy this song ;].

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Beautiful- Chapter 8

I ran to the door, irritated as ever. I mean, you'd swear the kid got a hint, but calling me and then on top of it,  following me to my house?; I was livid! I angrily opened the door, ready to argue once again, but then I saw who it was; my dad.

"Hey kiddo. What's wrong with you?" My dad leaned against the door frame with a suspicious look on his face. I took a deep breath and tried to come up with a reasonable explanation for the mood that I was in besides telling him, "Yeah, I snuck out with this ex- druggie after school and we went to the park and I almost kissed him and then his girlfriend called and I spazzed out and then I stomped home and he called me and so I'm pissed." So I put on a more innocent face and said, "Oh, you know how those animal abuse ads get me. I'm just so angry at the... ill-treatment of that poor cat named... named uh, oh! Sally."My dad chuckled and shook his head. "Well, hun, get some sleep. Did you have dinner?" 
"No, but I kinda lost my appetite, so if anything, I'll make some toast." I smiled at my dad and he did his little "If you need anything, call me" speech before he got back into his cop car and sped down the road.

I locked back the door, ironed my clothes, took a long shower and went straight into my bed. Granted I lay there for a good hour before I actually fell asleep, thinking about what I was going to do tomorrow. I finally decided that he and I started too fast and that maybe we need to abolish those feeling that we created that night and just continue being friends, just like how we said we were going to be on the play set. Friends. Yep, that's just what we were going to be. The reality hurt, but in the end, I fell asleep and dreamed of us, holding hands the way we were and staring into a star dotted sky. It was obvious to me that "friendship" was going to be a little harder to acknowledge.

***

The next day Van came to my house early, waking me up actually. My mom wasn't there, so she either had a really long night or she left home early as well. I dragged myself out of bed and opened the door. There was Van, but this time she dragged in a mutt; Tony.

"What the heck, Van. You had to bring this loser to my house?" I grumbled. Tony walked in and gave me a cup of Starbucks coffee.

"Well, good morning to you, too. Van told me that you liked Starbucks, so on my way over to her house this morning, I stopped in and got everyone a cup." Then he winked at me and dropped his arrogant behind into one of our leather couches. I was honestly too tired to care.

"Okay, Kat. Come with me; I've gotta tell you something!" I then noticed that Van seemed a little brighter that morning. Instead of black eye shadow, she had a really nice green that complemented her green eyes. Then instead of her black studded combat boots, she was wearing a pair of blue converse. She was also wearing a pair of green skinny jeans and a white t-shirt with black writing that said "I <3 my BF :)." It was so disgusting how cute she looked. Before I could ask her why she was so... different this morning, she screamed "TONY ASKED ME OUT TO THE SCHOOL DANCE. AHHHHHH!!!!!" I stood there and cringed because hearing a teenage girl scream at the top of her lungs when you're half asleep is like getting teeth pulled without pain blockers; not cool. She started to go on and on about how he took her here and there and then gave her this and said that and then she said yes and blah. Blah. Blah. In the time that it took her to finish telling me this story, I had already put on my clothes, brushed my teeth and packed my bag for school. My phone beeped, so I took a quick glance and it read "9 messages from: Brey." I sighed, but took a look at the last one he sent which said, "Katrina, please at least meet me on the Grannel Street by the big Oak tree. I bought you something." I stared at it for a while and then replied with one word; "Fine." 

I had hardly remembered that Van was right behind me, talking about something, until she asked, "Isn't that great, Kat!" She gave me a big hug. "Oh, yeah, sure. Fantastic." Then she put on her usual big grin and held my hand like we were little second graders. Tony was now in my kitchen eating poptarts. "Okay, so are the girls ready?" I ignored him and pulled my backpack over my left shoulder and started putting on my purple and white zebra converse. Van opened the door and that's when I saw her outfit again.

"Van; is there any reason why you're dressed like a daffodil today? I mean, what happened?" She laughed and looked down at her outfit. Tony wrapped his arm around her waist and took a bite out of his Poptart.
"She's hot, uh?" He nearly choked on his crumbs as he said it. Van pat him on the back and walked up to me as I got up. She whispered in my ear, saying "Well, I wanted to look extra pretty for Tony today, so I said 'What The Heck!' let's try a new look Vanessa."

I was just turning around to lock the door and I almost dropped the keys. Within a matter of seconds, I grabbed Van, opened the door, dragged her in and rand behind her and locked Tony out. She looked at me like I was crazy. "What did you just call yourself?" I was so confused. I mean, was Tony drugging her or something, trying to now change her into a... a monster?
"Vanessa..." She sat down on the couch chair arm. I heard Tony bang on the door, upset that we were leaving him out.
"Van, what's gotten into you. I mean, in a matter of days you've changed. To be honest, I miss you the way you were before Tony." She got up, looking offended. Then she smirked and got close to me.
"I think you're jealous that you don't have Tony. Maybe he was right all along." I was confused.
"Right about what?" She shook her head.
"Tony tells me that you were madly in love with him and that you were always slipping love notes into his locker and trying to get with him, but when he chose me over you, you flipped out." I laughed, astonished at how big of a lie that was.
"Get out, 'Vanessa.'" I opened the door. She smirked.
"Yep he was right. I can't believe you. I thought you were my best fri-"
"Van, I rejected him, okay? He was obsessed with me and when I finally put him down he ran after you out of spite, so just leave it alone." I ran out the door and that's when I got the flashback...

***

I was back in the school gym and there was this eerie feeling that I wasn't alone. Just then I saw a figure sitting on one of the school bleachers, fiddling through their backpack after a basketball practice. As I got closer, I made out a girl; Katrina. I gasped and stood as still as ever. I walked a little closer, when the gymnasium door opened and Tony, about a year younger than he was now, ran in and sat down right next to me. Not the me that was watching all of this, but the other one. I sat quietly and listened in on their conversation;

"Hey Kitty-Kat Trina" Tony laughed at put his arm around my neck.

"What do you want, Tony. I'm getting ready to go home." He looked at me and kissed me, right there without asking questions or anything. I got up and wiped my mouth. My eyes started to fill with hot tears, tears of anger. 

"Why, Tony!" I got up and ran out of the gym. Myself now, I got up from my hiding spot and looked hard at Tony. He yelled my name, but then threw himself down on the bleachers and sat there, rubbing the back of his head, obviously disappointed in himself, but I didn't really care. I ran at him and slapped him as hard as I could, but then he disappeared and I was back on my street, my hand stinging and hot with pain.

***

Van ran off with Tony back to her house to go ice his face since I apparently slapped him extremely hard. She started crying and screaming at me, telling me that we were done being best friends and that I was a horrible person. I felt really bad, surprisingly. Usually I feel like justice was finally served and that I was on top, but this time it cost me my best friend and I didn't know what to do. 

I didn't realize how long I was just there, standing outside my house, staring down the road that Van and Tony went down. I didn't realize until I saw Brey walking up the same road.



STAY TUNED FOR MORE CHAPTERS BEING POSTED!


Love Always <3,

Katrina Lowell