Friday, June 15, 2012

Sweet Dream or Beautiful Nightmare?

Hey guys,

So today I just felt compelled to talk about dreams. I have had dreams all my life, every night, every nap, everything. I've just summed up that I have a hyperactive brain, even when I'm sleeping. Let's go deeper into a few types of dreams:

1. The crying dreams- My earliest dream memories are from when I was in pre-school, so about three or four. I remembered having a lot of bad dreams, be it about ninjas in the dark, or aliens abducting my grandmother, or even some of the tyrants at my pre-school hurting my feelings. In all of these, I can remember crying in the dream and each time, without a fail, my dad would wake me up, telling me that it's just a dream and to stop crying. Yep, I was actually crying every time. I would then have to go wipe off my face and try to emotionally settle down. I hated it; I mean, sure those dreams sound pathetic, but believe it or not, those were reoccurring, like three times a week. That's why they are still so fresh in my mind today and that's also why it was so scary for me back then, being so small and having to deal with this so often.

2. The running dreams- Now anytime I'm in a dream where I need to run, I just pinch myself and immediately wake myself up (yes, I can wake myself up from dreams; certain ones). Anyhow, the problem with my running dreams are that I can never go anywhere. It's almost like I'm running in place and then... I get killed and wake up anyway, so to spare myself the emotional distress, I wake myself up from early on. I wonder why most people cant run in their dreams. In fact, I just looked it up and they said something that makes a lot of sense. For one, your brain only commutes things that it has seen, smelled, touched, done, etc. That's why you can't die in a dream; you body doesn't know what it feels like. Also, you can't run fast because while you're sleeping, your brain puts your body into something called "sleep paralysis" and therefore it prevents you from getting up and operating (sleep walkers fail to complete sleep paralysis) and therefore, your body cant move in real life, so it can't always move fast in your dream; your body just doesn't work like that. Wow, lot's of scientific explanation for what I had always thought wasn't explainable.

3. The short fall dreams- I get these probably once a month and I hate it. Usually when I'm really tired and I start to slip away, maybe semi conscious, I start to dream that I'm either walking or riding a bike, or something peaceful and normal and then I fall sideways and end up in my bed, laying sideways. Not a huge problem, except for the fact that my heart starts to get this strange feeling when it does this, almost like the feeling you get if you are falling on the Tower of Terror in Disneyland, but a lot less... happy.

4. The movie dreams- these are the less exciting ones because instead of being in your dream, you watch yourself do things, like in a movie. I've watched myself beat up robbers, eat ice cream with friends, go on an awesome bike, and some other strange imaginative things like riding a rainbow horse on a giant scientific balance and jumping off and discovering that Snoop Dogg is my father... yep, some pretty weird dreams...

5. The black and white dreams- Have you ever had a dream in black and white? It's almost as if you are laying there, daydreaming, but you'e actually in full fledged sleep. I don't like them because they just tend to be boring and confusing. Ugh, gross...

6. The math dreams- I think that the weirdest math dream that I have ever had was one where when I woke up, my hands were in the air, commuting a math problem and I couldn't stop them. I felt like a nut ball. You see why now people feel like they've got alien brains and all sorts of oddities? Anyhow, yeah, these are the dullest of all, to me. I just typically sit or stand in front a board and do math problems for hours on end. Hate it, plus it makes me wake up feeling like a loser :(.

7. The love dreams- You'd think that by being a girl I should love to fall in love in my dream and run off into the sunset. I don't. I mean, the first time I had a love dream was when I was ten and it became my obsession. I started trying to draw his face and I spelled his name over everything and I named him my "dream guy." Yes, I know, but really. I think that it's just like soap operas and fan fiction; the fake things that play with your emotions and make you believe that certain things should or could happen when usually, they are very far from reality. I just like things in my life being very... normal and realistic.

8. The beating dreams- I had one of these on Wednesday night, dreaming about a girl at my school that was a complete butt hole to me the day before and I dreamed that I was in my classroom, tapped on her shoulder and then just landed a punch straight in her jaw and in her stomach, just beating the daylights out of this girl. Now sure, I felt like a disgusting person, since it was almost like fantasizing about beating someone till they bleed profusely, but it made me feel better the next day and when I saw her, I was able to ignore her and feel normal instead of having pent up anger.

9. The sleepwalking dreams-This is the last dream that I'm covering for the day. Anyhow, yes, when I was smaller, I was an active sleepwalker. I was known for sleepwalking to the dining table or using the bathroom or just anything, but the biggest one was when I left my apartment. I had a dream that my aunt (who was living with us at the time) asked me to take my little brother's diaper out to the dump, so I did and when I went to come back inside, the door was locked, so I stated to beat at the door and cry hysterically because I sensed a monster approaching when in reality, I was whimpering and not hitting the door at all. My mother said that she was sleeping in the living room (relatively close to the door) and she heard a little girl crying, so she looked out of her peephole and saw me standing there. I don't even remember getting inside because when my mom took me inside and was talking to me, I was still very much asleep, in a sort of walking nightmare. She was so scared after that, but none more than me. I was horrified of what could have happened to me and what would have happened if my mom didn't open the door.

Anyhow, I hope you guys each have sweet dreams tonight; I'm sure I will :) Goodnight!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

You Must Really Love Conflict...

Hey guys,

So I am sorta feeling like a file of garbage after taking my own advice which is... horrible. As you all know, I take that Martin Luther King Jr. stance with the whole "Let's just all be friends" and just like him... I get shot.

So we all know Miranda, the one that I speak about in the "Opposition" posts. Anyhow, yeah, she's still with her foolish ways, cursing me often, giving me nasty looks, saying despicable things to and about me on the internet, you know; the whole sha-bang. So what do I do after I'm just about ready to strangle her? I try to kill her with kindness, ye good old trick, eh? WRONG!

So here's how I went about it; It's End of year exam time and I'm stressed, anxious, tired and quite flustered and in the midst of it all, I have little miss Miranda on my case everyday and with my patience so thin, I decided to write her a note, the only way I've been able to reason with this chick. Now, if you can remember, the last time she showed everyone the little note that I gave her, so this time, I made it general so that even her friends can get the message. It simply said "Miranda, I am sick and tired of the conflict. It's getting old and it's just really unnecessary. I'm letting you know right now that My 'white flag' is up and I don't want any more conflict, and I hope you'll join in too." Short, Sweet, Simple; the three S's needed in this note. And I felt good about it afterwords, like a load taken off of me. To my surprise, the rest of the day was peaceful. She had seemed to taken the note to heart and she even told her friends that it was a nice note and all that other stuff. Okay, no more trouble, right? WRONG (again)!!!

So when I get home, I happen to check my e-mail and I get an e-mail from Mr. Miranda's Dad saying, through me, that he was angered by my communication with Miranda since my mother ordered that Miranda discontinue her interactions with me. he also took the note as a friendship request, after Miranda had already offered to be my friend earlier up and I refused; look, this isn't Facebook, first of all and second of all, I don't want anything to do with your child sir! His daughter lies to him every day. In fact, I have proof that she had NOT in fact asked for my friendship. Instead she sent my cousin a message on Facebook, saying that she didn't want anything to do with me or my "people". How bout that for a friend request? Anyhow, yes, so he finished it off with a line that was extremely selfish, in my eyes. He goes, "I want Katrina to refrain from any further communication as this new note has caused great distress to the family." Now, with that statement, you'd swear I was lying about what was on that note, but I swear to the big guy upstairs that what I placed above was everything on that note. Can you believe it? Now the selfishness that I see is this: By your daughter causing me great grief every day by teasing me and being a complete bully, it has caused MY family great distress, so try again sir. You don't understand how hard it is to hear such nasty things said about you every day like a recording. It makes you lose self confidence, hurts your heart, and is just plain cruel. So Mr. Miranda's dad, don't have such tunnel vision and understand what your daughter is doing to my family, okay?

So moving on, after getting that message from her dad, I felt disrespected and just filled with that burden I thought I had left behind. I went straight to my teacher, Mr. Perry, the next day and explained my dilemma. Apparently the same e-mail was sent to him and so he decided to call in a meeting with Miranda and me the next morning. So I decided to walk in with evidence; my cousin sent me a screenshot of the message that Miranda had sent her. If I could just show one of her lies, I was sure the rest would fall in line.

The next morning, we sat in the classroom and Miranda explained to Mr. Perry a very messed up version of what happened, saying that she felt insulted by the letter and that she was upset because my mother had implemented the whole "no talking" thing and yet the note came about. To that I said "My mother isn't crazy, Mr. Perry. My mom came in and saw a disgusting e-mail sent to me from Ms. Miranda and proceeded to reply to it by saying that her NEGATIVE remarks need to be kept to herself and that Miranda should refrain from corresponding with me due to her behavior. And the only reason I had to write the note was because her father obviously wasn't doing a good job of handling his child and I couldn't wait for him to set things straight, so I did it myself." From there, Mr. Perry read the note and found NOTHING wrong with it. So then I decided to address the whole "friendship" claim and I allowed her to explain when and how she proposed this. She didn't know that I had my evidence, so I stopped her in the middle of her lie and showed Mr. Perry the screenshot. She was shocked to say the least, and she didn't even bother to try and cover up her lie.

Anyhow, Mr. Perry completed the conversation by saying that we are to not look at one another, talk to or about one another, etc. Can you believe that as he leaves, she says a stupid remark and curses me, so I got mad; almost crazy. I walked up to her face and I said, "If I'm causing your family so much distress, why are you talking to me, right after a teacher even instructed you not to. I no longer have any regard for you and if you even breathe to hard in my direction, child, I will report you to the principal of this school, do you hear me?" She rolled her eyes, but it obviously got to her because she shut up. This passive aggressive behavior began afterwords until about yesterday. Now this is why I think that she's bipolar.

Yesterday, we had a home economics test where we needed to prepare meals, so we did our little thing, blah blah blah, and then Miranda starts cracking jokes with me, giving me whipped cream, sharing food, smiling, being cheerful, a lot like when we were friends and I was... pissed off. After getting me in trouble with not only Mr. Perry for attempting to making things easier for everyone, but also getting me in trouble with your family, causing me strife at school, lying till your brain hurts, you wanna be all buddy-buddy? Absolutely not. I am actually going to march into the classroom on Monday and ask Mr. Perry is this agreement that we had made only applies to when Miranda is in a good mood, because she's just so ridiculous. In an effort to ruin my day, she goes and makes a big deal out of something that was completely in the right and then now that that's over, you want to follow the agreement of the note? I just don't get it.

Ugh... I just chalked it up to the fact that she must really love conflict...

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell