Friday, October 12, 2012

A Change of Heart, A Change of Direction

Hey guys,

So I know that I haven't posted in awhile and it's just because I've felt the need to... grow up a little. I mean, I read my posts about the "snakes" and "Miranda" and all that crap and I felt sick to my stomach. Not sick for any other reason besides the fact that I realized what I had done; I had become someone I know that I'm not and someone I don't ever want to be.

In the heat of a situation, upon an influx of emotions, in the eyesight of teary eyes, you don't quite see things in a rational light. I mean, you do things that you, on a normal sunny day, wouldn't do and you almost always say things that you probably never meant to become vocal. At any rate, it's wrong and I have needed to take a step back to realize this.

When the school year started, I encountered a mirage of problems that I wasn't too prepared to handle all at once. For instance, you guys were introduced to Miranda quite a few months ago and you may have each made your own opinions of her, unbiased opinions at that. Why? Because I told the stories the exact way that they occurred. However, I've been telling these new stories with an incredible lean towards my opinion of Miranda and her friends by referring to them as snakes. Snakes are animals, not humans. They don't work off of feeling, but instinct; not love, but instinct; not conscience, but instinct. They're animals and I can't expect y'all to see them as anything else if I keep putting them in that light, so I realized that I needed to stop.

As for Miranda, I have my own personal feeling about her and what she's about and I'm sure everyone has different takes on it, but that's not the point. I write in this blog not because I don't have a life or I feel like airing out other people's business to make them feel bad, but to make myself feel better. I started this blog because I felt like I didn't quite have a voice and that I had things to say that others felt shouldn't be heard. At any rate, I will continue to do so, but I realize that unlike my diary, this is public and if them were to come across my blog and make the connections (as they have), I could imagine that they wouldn't feel too good about it. Granted, the fact that these stories are even posted doesn't really please them, but at least my conscience will be at ease knowing that everything said was factual and completely unbiased by my commentary.

Now, I know this isn't an incredibly long post, but I want this to mark my turning of a new leaf, so to speak. I want this to make all of my future posts shine in a brighter light and I just want to work in a new direction.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell
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