Sunday, September 22, 2013

One Last Thing To Say...

Hey Readers,

So there's something I wanted to share with you- I've transferred to my dream school. After two years on this island working hard for the chance to get here, it feels amazing. It's hard to imagine that I moved here two years behind of the curriculum and within my first term making it to second in my class and then the following year first in class AND exams. I can't exactly tell you that my journey here was smooth sailing; from the time I started school over a decade ago, I had some sort of issue, be it a learning issue or a social issue and it broke me down quite a bit, but one thing that I've always been is determined. Being a victim was just never good enough for me. One thing that I have GOT to say is that my parents have been a HUGE part of why I've succeeded because when I was struggling to keep up in school, they were the ones who dedicated their time to showing me what to do and patiently helping me along. They've encouraged me from the beginning and I couldn't be anything without them.

Although I would love to sit here and talk like I'm accepting a Grammy Award, thanking everyone, I'd really like to get to the meat of my post- the last thing that I want to say, not just to and about my former school, but to all of those that I've left behind and to you guys to inspire you to always seek for bigger, better things, no matter what it is or how distant the dream seems. Well, here I go...

***

Two years ago I moved to this island with quite a few expectations of this new life; I applied to the school that my parents both attended, one of the two best schools here, with hopes of continuing the "legacy." After my first three weeks here, I realized that this dream wouldn't become a reality; there wasn't any room for me there and so I had to look elsewhere. I was struck with a anvil of disappointment, but I decided to make the best of my situation. When I was placed at the private school that I attended, I had high hopes. I had the naive idea that being such a small school that I would be liked by everyone; I'm American, I'm nice, I'm smart- what's not to like, right? Wrong. I wanted to do what I've always wanted to do at any school that I attended- I wanted to leave it better than it was when I came. But, I've done something better; I've left MYSELF better than I was when I first got there.

I won't sugar coat anything here- When the name "Katrina Lowell" is mentioned at that school, hatred burns in a majority of their eyes. They think I'm a pompous, arrogant, American chick with the false sense that I'm anything to the world when to them there's very little difference between me and the pile of trash that they place in their front yard to be picked up by the garbage authority to be disposed of and/or burned. I'll admit that it was hard for me to acknowledge this before, but now I'm able to see the bigger picture and it doesn't hurt so much anymore. It's funny how I can only see the pros in a con-filled situation after it passes. At any rate, here's what I've learned:

1. Being a "loner" is often more of a blessing than it is a curse- People use the term "loner" to loosely. What exactly does it mean to be alone? It simply means that those who can't understand you, don't want to understand you and/or are afraid of you for whatever reason distance themselves from you and make it evident to you that you aren't accepted in their circles and "don't belong" there. Now, think about that- is it really all that bad? Yeah, sure it does get hard when you're lonely and you see how everyone else has company of someone else, but the true secret to being happy is having at least one good friend that you can trust and who loves you for you. A lot of the time, the same people that you think have all the friends are the ones that don't have any REAL friends at all. Plus, being alone gives you a lot of time to think and become happy with who you are; you focus on what makes you happy, what makes you a better person and you focus on working towards your future which, believe it or not, won't matter if you're popular or not. So, really and truly I've learned that those who were my closest friends and still are are the people that I hold close like family, that I am a stronger, brighter, harder-working girl than I was when I first got here and that even though I thought it sucked, it has provided me with more blessings than I could have been given being little miss popular.

2. There are some things that they can't take from you- No matter how hard those people worked to bring me down, there were just some things that were a part of me that wouldn't crumble under the weight of their attacks. For instance, my brain; I won't lie to you- I did walk around like I was the spawn of Einstein, but that's just because being confident is the only way for me to move forward. Plus, after being a late bloomer and working hard enough to give me gray hairs, I think I deserve to say and do what I feel like. That's the thing that people don't realize; you can't hate me for working harder than you. I can sit here and describe in detail the structure of the nucleus without a biology book in sight- how the nucleus is surrounded by a nuclear membrane made up of two thin membranes that contain small holes known as nuclear pores and within the nuclear membrane was a jelly-like substance known as nucleoplasm that contained chromosomes that contained Deoxyribo Nucleic Acid (DNA) which contain genes which contain genetic information and all that other stuff. That, my dear friends, is just a basic example of what I can do, but you know what? I spent hours and hours, reaching hours like 4 AM and waking up at 5, just to be able to do things like that to earn me my 84% on my end of year exam. Who else wants to put that sort of dedication into their work? No one? Then if you don't, how can you look at me and hate on me when all I'm doing is what you don't have the desire to do? And the funny part lies in the fact that although they put heat on me for being a "nerd," I was the one with the 84 and they had the 41's. Besides my brain, things like the love of my family and close friends and my heart that stops at nothing to push me to fulfilling my goals are all things that they were just never able to take from me and therefore, they're really the ones that have lost in the end.

3. I am exactly who I want to be- One thing that I can most definitely say is that I have grown up so much and I am just where I want to be. Of course I've messed up along the way and I've felt defeated, but one thing that I've always been able to do is get back up when I'm down. When I first came here, I had a twisted idea of the world, and it's ironic that this "twisted" concept is that everyone is nice until given a reason to be mean. I've learned that human beings, at the end of the day, are animals that often lack reasoning and that's all that there is to it. As Ben Carson, a well known neurosurgeon and author, has said many times, we, human beings created in such a special way, are blessed with frontal lobes and need to realize that we were given them for a reason and should therefore USE them instead of operating like dogs who operate on instinct and not reasoning. I've learned the same thing and I've spent a lot of time soul searching. That's why I'm able to say that although there were a lot of things that I didn't like about my old school, those very same things shaped who I am today and help me to avoid doing things that will lead me down a negative path later in life. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Now that I'm at my new school, I feel refreshed. I've worked harder than I ever have in life to be there and I finally feel like I fit in. The smallest things, like putting on my uniform in the morning, make me happy. I finally feel proud in my uniform. I love it, no matter how ugly the big pocket on my skirt is or how masculine my black, leather shoes are. That uniform is the evidence of the journey I've traveled and I'm happy. I recently got into volleyball and I've met some amazing people along the way. My coach is a big part of why I'm there and he continues to be there for me everyday, lending an ear and helping where he can. I've also made some great friends that have helped me settle in, showing me around the school, making sure I never eat alone, introducing me to their friends and encouraging me in everything that I do; one in particular is Kody, who I just HAVE to mention because he is actually a family friend that I knew from before volleyball. On my first day of school, he waited for me in the morning, showed me to my class, introduced me to some classmates, bought my lunch for me that day and even helps me with my Spanish homework some days. I couldn't ask for a better friend and so although I highly doubt he's reading this or ever will THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH ;).

Well, I feel all out of words to say now so... I think I'm gonna go to bed and get some rest so I'm nice and fresh for school tomorrow morning (YAY!). Goodnight world.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell
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