Sunday, September 29, 2013

Creative Identity

Hey Readers,

A funny thought just ran through my head as I sit here in the parking lot waiting for my mother; this thought happens to be one about my creative identity as it applies to me as an artist. I like to call myself an artist in that although I can’t particularly draw well, nor can I mold anything of importance or dance or anything of the sort, but I have an appreciation and a knack for anything that has to do with language and music. The funny part is that who I've created in terms of my persona when it comes to that special part of my brain (AKA Katrina Lowell) is so different from who I actually am.

can still remember when Katrina first popped into my mind and from that day I've held her close. In a way, I've referred to every part of me that has found a way to reach outside of my bashful mind and touch others as “Katrina.”  I don’t think that’s right because after a while of believing that everything bold and beautiful (not the soap opera, but the two adjectives put together) about me belongs to Katrina, then she begins to become like another person in my eyes. In fact, at school when I write essays or compositions, I either always have a character by the name of Katrina, be it the narrator or another female character or I put that the author was Katrina Lowell and not me, although I’ll put my name at the top of the page. The funniest part is that when it’s done and I read it, it feels like a distant part of me.

During the summer I did a lot of reading- Stephen King novels in particular. Now, Stephen King is an amazing writer and all, but as a disclaimer, his material isn't for everyone, so beware. Anyhow, one of the novels that I read was called “The Dark Half.” This book was about a writer who after having a long period of non-production  due to writer’s block, decided to try writing under a pen name. These books were extremely popular when they came out and were on high demand. Through a turn of events, the author decided to come out and say that he was the real author of these books and that he would be “burying” his alter ego. Long story short, his alter ego came to life and started killing the people that he believed encouraged the author to stop using him. The story went into detail the relationship of the author and his very life-like persona.

Imagine me as an author with a pen name reading something as morbid as that book; I won’t like to you guys- I was kinda terrified. After that book I was like,” Oh okay yeah; Katrina’s gonna stay around for a while.” LOL. But in all honesty I think that the main problem is that Katrina and I need become ONE with one another. I let her be in the limelight because hiding in her shadows makes me feel safe. People that know me personally read my blog and honestly can’t believe that I’m the one behind the stuff that I write. Especially now that I’m at this new school, I've been extremely shy and quiet, hanging out and talking to very few select people of whom a majority are made up of Kenny’s friends and some others from Volleyball. I dare not tell them that I have a blog; I think only Kenny knows and I didn't even tell him the web address. I think as I merge with Katrina that I should keep to myself for a little.
I guess in the end, this post isn't quite as funny as it ironic or… how should I say it? Reflective, maybe? Yeah, maybe that’s what it is. I feel better now, LOL. I seem to always feel better after writing something. Well, I guess that’s it for now folks. Have an amazing day :).

Love Always <3,
Miss Katrina Lowell ;)

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