Monday, May 28, 2012

Somebody Snitched On Me, It's...Katrina?

Hey readers,

So this is not really a fun, happy post, but rather one of reflection. Reflection upon everyone that reads this, upon everything that happens in your life, upon certain decisions you make.

This week, a couple of students from my school were expelled for conduct unacceptable within and outside school walls. Now I knew one of these students very well; he was in my class and at one time one of my best friends, to be honest. This occurred on Wednesday, the same day that I went to get Waffle (my dog; he's been in the states for seven months, so he finally was able to join us here in the Caribbean). One of my friends from school gave me a phone call, telling me that these students had been expelled and for what, and to be honest, I was surprised. First came surprise, then sadness, not only for him and what this incident means to the rest of his life, but also for his family and everyone else involved.

I swear I couldn't sleep properly, just thinking about what happened and everything else. Being a writer, to get myself to sleep, I wrote a speech in my mind. A speech that I would tell my classmates during any discussion about the situation since I was sure they would all feel a certain way about the two students and what they were doing. This made me feel a lot better and I was confident in the words that I was going to say. With that I fell asleep.

The next day: Thursday. I remember my drive to school as a very painful one. I felt like I was going to cry because the situation was just so saddening. Besides his family and himself,  I thought about all of his friends who would obviously be devastated at school, spending the first day without him there. I thought about the awkwardness that my classroom will be in, and wrongfully so. I was just really down that morning, and what I heard when I arrived at school didn't feel awesome either.

So as I got to school, my friends let me know that people thought that I was the snitch that got the two students, and possibly others, expelled. At this I was appalled, but the rumor spread around the ENTIRE school and there was nowhere I could hide. That speech of mine went out the door and worries an so many others filled its space. I know that I had no involvement in it, and I think that that's all that counts.

But, what I really wanted to blog is what I would have said in my speech, and this can apply to everyone:

What happened here on Wednesday was unfortunate. It was unexpected and therefore caused many of us to doubt who these people were and their true intentions due to their bad decisions. But, one thing that we all need to understand is that we are all humans. And to top it off, we're teens; we all make mistakes, especially at this time in our lives. Sure, some worse than others, but it doesn't mean that we are bad people for doing it. I'm definitively not excusing their actions because they knew to a certain extent that it was wrong. In knowing one of them, though, I can tell you that maybe doing what they did made a lot of sense to them.

I know that in this time of our lives, we often feel misunderstood and hurt, be it by our peers, parents, anyone. How people choose to deal with that pain varies; some get help from doctors and others get help from cutting. I mean, it's the hard truth, and hopefully one day we can be able to help each other in a safe way, a safe environment, with people that we trust. In any event, maybe this lead on some of the bad decisions made.

Another possibility is that of reputation; teens, especially boys, will do anything for friends, to look cool, to have that feeling. Maybe by doing this, they thought they could look better to their peers or whatever. Fact of the matter is that it has made them lose friends and possibly even their futures; definitely not worth it.

I remember when I was really good friends when one of them. I mean, he was such a good friend. I remember when he opened up to me and I TRULY got to see who he was. Sure, I've questioned his honesty about anything he has said, but it makes me feel better just trusting that that person that I met six months ago is the same person that I thought he was on the inside. I remember that he told me that he wanted to be in the navy, to help people and I thought that that was the nicest thing I'd ever heard him say. I remember some of the arguments that we had and even after, he would never call us enemies, but frienemies, whether I agreed or not. I remember how when I felt sad one day and was crying, he came by my side saying that seeing girls sad was something that he just couldn't deal with, and then cracking a joke and giving me a tissue to cheer me up. I remember him, Tracy and me just enjoying our times together as the "three musketeers" that we were. I told Tracy and she was as astonished as I was. What I remember especially was Tuesday, the last day I saw him. He walked past me and took my I.T. book and I got upset because we're not really friends anymore, so being casual like that was a little too soon after some of the things we've gotten into. At any rate, he just kept walking and said, "Kat, you should really stop writing in purple pen" and he laughed. Even though I was still irritated, I had not choice but to laugh with him; it was just so infectious. That day, he erased something that I wrote on the board and replaced it with his horrible hand writing just to jeer me. I remember the music test that we had that day where he was so nervous, since we were getting video taped, and I counted all three of his mistakes.

When I think of him, I think about all the good memories; I mean, I might never see him again. We don't hang out in the same spots, we most likely wont talk to each other anymore, so it's finished here. But I think we can all just move forward thinking about the good things that we remember, even me, the frienemy.

I don't know if anyone from my school is reading this, but if they are, take it to heart. Send him an e-mail, text, Facebook message; anything and just ask him how he's doing. See that his family's okay. Let's just be kind to one another and just move forward in a positive way. That's what's most important...

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell
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