Hey readers,
So this is pretty much a continuation of my "Opposition" post. I left off describing a day when both Tony and Miranda, two good friends of mine, were addressed when it came to the ill-treatment of me. Tony seemed to have a more respectful stance since he had apologized to me, but it was still unsettling that he lied about the threat to curse my dad with his mother RIGHT THERE. Miranda, though, was a lot more verbally aggressive and I decided to cut things off then and there.
So, the next day I was feeling very at odds with myself. I wanted to talk to Tony and see if he was just acting out because there was a bigger problem at hand that, as a friend, I could help him with. I also wanted to steer clear of any anger that he might have been hiding because my dad spoke to his mom. As for Miranda, I was confident that I made a responsible decision to cut off our communication, but I was also worried that she would put her dislike of me on blast. Therefore I was hopeful, yet hopeless; angry yet calm; elated yet disappointed. I didn't know what to do.
In my car ride to school I just relaxed myself by listening to some music, taking the edge off of however I felt. I think that it sort of prepared me for what was to come; starting the day with calming music such as Adele, where when you allow yourself to get carried away in the lyrics, you find yourself lost in the story. I love that feeling and it typically leaves me dreamy for the rest of the day. Anyhow, when I arrived at school, the talk about "Tony and the parent" convo had already been spread around and the story changed millions of times.
"Katrina, did Tony really hit your dad?"; "Katrina, did your dad really cuss out Tony's mom?"; "Katrina, did Tony really bang your head into the classroom door?" NO, NO, NO! They've got it all wrong and who's to blame for this? I don't know, but I don't know how Tony decided that it was MY fault.
During our second break at school, I overheard Tony cursing my name and saying some pretty disgusting things about my family and me. I lost it when he said that I lied to my dad when I said that he had threatened to curse him. Any thoughts of having a calm talk with him went out the door and was replaced with the persistence to set him straight. I'm not saying that how I acted couldn't have been better, but if I had a chance to go back and change it, I wouldn't have. I try to encourage you guys to have a thick skin and to let certain things go and deal with things in a responsible way, but there are some times when you have to get firm; you have to let them know that you mean business and not to mess with you.
I marched right up to his face and I said, "You are a disgusting liar; don't you dare be calling me the liar in this incident because both you and I know what happened and whether you want to admit to it or not is your business, but don't drag me along." I was fuming.
"Katrina, all you've ever done is be a complete [expletive] since you've gotten your badge and nobody likes you so just shut the [expletive] up."
"What the heck is your problem kid? You think that you can curse me and threaten my dad and I'm just gonna deal with it because I see you as my 'big brother'? No way."
"When your dad is like 5'11 and I'm 6'0, he better be careful. I could easily take care of him with a big rock; in fact both him and you." At this I lost all forms of sanity. I got on my tippy-toes to reach his face and yelled as loud as I could, so that everyone could hear.
"DON'T YOU EVER THREATEN ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A WUSSY PUPPY THAT WANTS TO BE GROWLING AT EVERYONE, BUT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING. IN FACT, SINCE YOU FEEL YOU'RE BAD, HIT ME THEN. LAY A FINGER ON ME!" They were staring at me like I was going crazy, but I was so infuriated. How could someone that I trusted so much be so bad to me?
"You mean nothing to me anymore, Katrina; nothing. In fact, I hate you!" and with that he walked away. I suddenly felt a searing pain in my heart, like I just lost a part of my family. Indeed I had, and since then I regret ever getting my badge. I know that it has let me see who people truly are; how people will act when you are in your lowest of lows, but I still miss that brotherly feeling he gave me. I always felt safe with him around, like I could tell him anything and likewise. Sometimes even partners in crime. I really miss him, or who he seemed to be, I won't lie, but I can't easily forgive what he has said to and about me. I can't let it slide.
Miranda came immediately after and I lost it again when I saw her showing people the note I gave her. I didn't quite feel ashamed of what I wrote on it to where others can't see it, but I felt betrayed anyways. I felt like she wasn't mature enough to remain quiet with it. It felt just as bad as if it were a personal letter. I walked right up to her, snatched it from her and tore it to pieces. Then I screamed at her, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. "How could you? I'm supposed to be able to trust you and yet you're here, talking bad about me, showing everyone this letter that was meant for you?"
She shrugged, "you should know me by now."
"Yes I do and what I know is exactly what I wrote int he letter that you showed everyone and while everyone is here, I can honestly say out loud that Miranda is a selfish, untrustworthy little brat and that is why she has no friends. I mean look; everyone knows how good I've treated her, but she's even come stabbing me in the back. Doesn't that say a lot. But you know what, Miranda? Don't ever ask to talk to me again or for help or anything. You, at this point mean nothing; NOTHING to me."
I then started to walk away but then I heard her yell behind me, "You're just a [expletive] American girl who feels that she's better than everyone else." I turned right around and she stepped up to me. I didn't back down; in fact I moved in closer. "Curse at me one more time and it's a fight. You might as well swing at me little girl. No? Okay then; keep your disgusting language to yourself and get out of my sight!"
After that I broke down. I felt like I got a double whammy. I felt betrayed and completely disrespected. I was hurt, I mean, gosh darn, I'm human. On top of that, I'm a teenage girl; you might as well kill me now. It was just all too much, so much even that my friend, Kayla, started to cry with me. It wasn't easy, but it needed to be done. I needed to stand up for myself and if my calm assertiveness wasn't enough, I needed to step to their level. Believe it or not, it doesn't end here. Stay tuned for the next part of my story within the week; there's bound to be more drama, I know it.
Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell
So this is pretty much a continuation of my "Opposition" post. I left off describing a day when both Tony and Miranda, two good friends of mine, were addressed when it came to the ill-treatment of me. Tony seemed to have a more respectful stance since he had apologized to me, but it was still unsettling that he lied about the threat to curse my dad with his mother RIGHT THERE. Miranda, though, was a lot more verbally aggressive and I decided to cut things off then and there.
So, the next day I was feeling very at odds with myself. I wanted to talk to Tony and see if he was just acting out because there was a bigger problem at hand that, as a friend, I could help him with. I also wanted to steer clear of any anger that he might have been hiding because my dad spoke to his mom. As for Miranda, I was confident that I made a responsible decision to cut off our communication, but I was also worried that she would put her dislike of me on blast. Therefore I was hopeful, yet hopeless; angry yet calm; elated yet disappointed. I didn't know what to do.
In my car ride to school I just relaxed myself by listening to some music, taking the edge off of however I felt. I think that it sort of prepared me for what was to come; starting the day with calming music such as Adele, where when you allow yourself to get carried away in the lyrics, you find yourself lost in the story. I love that feeling and it typically leaves me dreamy for the rest of the day. Anyhow, when I arrived at school, the talk about "Tony and the parent" convo had already been spread around and the story changed millions of times.
"Katrina, did Tony really hit your dad?"; "Katrina, did your dad really cuss out Tony's mom?"; "Katrina, did Tony really bang your head into the classroom door?" NO, NO, NO! They've got it all wrong and who's to blame for this? I don't know, but I don't know how Tony decided that it was MY fault.
During our second break at school, I overheard Tony cursing my name and saying some pretty disgusting things about my family and me. I lost it when he said that I lied to my dad when I said that he had threatened to curse him. Any thoughts of having a calm talk with him went out the door and was replaced with the persistence to set him straight. I'm not saying that how I acted couldn't have been better, but if I had a chance to go back and change it, I wouldn't have. I try to encourage you guys to have a thick skin and to let certain things go and deal with things in a responsible way, but there are some times when you have to get firm; you have to let them know that you mean business and not to mess with you.
I marched right up to his face and I said, "You are a disgusting liar; don't you dare be calling me the liar in this incident because both you and I know what happened and whether you want to admit to it or not is your business, but don't drag me along." I was fuming.
"Katrina, all you've ever done is be a complete [expletive] since you've gotten your badge and nobody likes you so just shut the [expletive] up."
"What the heck is your problem kid? You think that you can curse me and threaten my dad and I'm just gonna deal with it because I see you as my 'big brother'? No way."
"When your dad is like 5'11 and I'm 6'0, he better be careful. I could easily take care of him with a big rock; in fact both him and you." At this I lost all forms of sanity. I got on my tippy-toes to reach his face and yelled as loud as I could, so that everyone could hear.
"DON'T YOU EVER THREATEN ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A WUSSY PUPPY THAT WANTS TO BE GROWLING AT EVERYONE, BUT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING. IN FACT, SINCE YOU FEEL YOU'RE BAD, HIT ME THEN. LAY A FINGER ON ME!" They were staring at me like I was going crazy, but I was so infuriated. How could someone that I trusted so much be so bad to me?
"You mean nothing to me anymore, Katrina; nothing. In fact, I hate you!" and with that he walked away. I suddenly felt a searing pain in my heart, like I just lost a part of my family. Indeed I had, and since then I regret ever getting my badge. I know that it has let me see who people truly are; how people will act when you are in your lowest of lows, but I still miss that brotherly feeling he gave me. I always felt safe with him around, like I could tell him anything and likewise. Sometimes even partners in crime. I really miss him, or who he seemed to be, I won't lie, but I can't easily forgive what he has said to and about me. I can't let it slide.
Miranda came immediately after and I lost it again when I saw her showing people the note I gave her. I didn't quite feel ashamed of what I wrote on it to where others can't see it, but I felt betrayed anyways. I felt like she wasn't mature enough to remain quiet with it. It felt just as bad as if it were a personal letter. I walked right up to her, snatched it from her and tore it to pieces. Then I screamed at her, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. "How could you? I'm supposed to be able to trust you and yet you're here, talking bad about me, showing everyone this letter that was meant for you?"
She shrugged, "you should know me by now."
"Yes I do and what I know is exactly what I wrote int he letter that you showed everyone and while everyone is here, I can honestly say out loud that Miranda is a selfish, untrustworthy little brat and that is why she has no friends. I mean look; everyone knows how good I've treated her, but she's even come stabbing me in the back. Doesn't that say a lot. But you know what, Miranda? Don't ever ask to talk to me again or for help or anything. You, at this point mean nothing; NOTHING to me."
I then started to walk away but then I heard her yell behind me, "You're just a [expletive] American girl who feels that she's better than everyone else." I turned right around and she stepped up to me. I didn't back down; in fact I moved in closer. "Curse at me one more time and it's a fight. You might as well swing at me little girl. No? Okay then; keep your disgusting language to yourself and get out of my sight!"
After that I broke down. I felt like I got a double whammy. I felt betrayed and completely disrespected. I was hurt, I mean, gosh darn, I'm human. On top of that, I'm a teenage girl; you might as well kill me now. It was just all too much, so much even that my friend, Kayla, started to cry with me. It wasn't easy, but it needed to be done. I needed to stand up for myself and if my calm assertiveness wasn't enough, I needed to step to their level. Believe it or not, it doesn't end here. Stay tuned for the next part of my story within the week; there's bound to be more drama, I know it.
Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell
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