Entry 8- 11.7.11

Dear Journal,

Have you ever had two friends that you really value, and vice versa, that hate each other's guts? In that case, you are caught in the middle, especially when they are in a disagreement. What do you do?  Well, here are a few solutions.

1. Distance yourself; don't let them vent to you about the other person. Tell them that that is between them and it's none of your business. That way they can't ask you what the other person said to you and create more drama.

2. Talk to both of them separately; even though you want to keep yourself out of their dispute, talking to them separately can help them resolve their issue quicker. Ask each one what's going on, how they feel about it, what they've done to "stir the pot," and how they can help to get the problem fixed.

3. "Blackmail" them; don't worry, this isn't as bad as it sounds, but sometimes when the argument that they are having is too heated and your being pulled into it, the best thing to do is give them a stern warning. Tell them that if they don't stop fighting with and without you around, that you'll stop hanging out with them. Follow through with it, though. Sure, it'll be hard to not talk to your friends, but sure enough they'll come around and understand how their disagreement is affecting the people around them and how important them getting along is to you.

These are only a few suggestions for you to use when you are confronted with this situation. I know that it isn't only physically tiring, but emotionally, when you are trying to get your friends from clawing out each other's eyeballs, lol. Well, I hope that you've been able to take away something from this post!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Entry 7- 11.6.11

Dear Journal,

Whenever you know that one of your really good friends is going to do something that you KNOW is going to get them into trouble, or that is wrong, what do you do? In today's post, I'll answer just that.

1. Tell them; being their friend, you want to talk to them about it and tell them that what they are doing is not okay. Explain to them everything that makes it wrong, and maybe some of the consequences. A "Pro-Con" chart would be perfect for this; just draw one out and sit there with them, gathering some ideas together so that they can see for themselves how much of a bad idea it would be for them to do whatever they are planning on doing.

2. Provide alternatives; say their only focusing on how much fun this high school drinking party would be;   mention a few alternatives to doing it. For instance, instead of going to this party that is incredibly inappropriate, suggest a get together at a rollerskating rink or maybe a trip to the mall over the weekend; something to replace the party that's equally as, if not more, fun.

3. Talk to a counselor; If you don't know how to approach your friend, or they aren't receptive to what you are saying, take a trip down to your school counselor. You don't have to even give them the specifics, or your friends name. Just say, "my friend is in trouble and I don't know how to help her." I'm sure they would be too happy to help you out, maybe even doing a partner session with you and your friend to help you to change their mind.

4. Tell an adult; if push came to shove and nothing else seems to be working, you need to notify an adult. Sure, you don't want to get your friend in trouble, but you also don't want them to get in MORE trouble for actually doing something bad. I remember one time, during a state test, I knew that two of my friends were cheating, but I obviously didn't want to get them in trouble. But when the teacher came to me, asking me if I knew anything about them cheating, I decided to go ahead and tell her (anonymously) what I knew. Even though it was hard for me to see my two good friends in such huge trouble, I know that I did the right thing and that they will benefit from it. In fact, I was told by my teacher afterwords that if I was caught hiding this from her that both their AND my test would have been disqualified, even though I didn't cheat. So, as you can see, telling someone about it could not only save them, but save you from trouble.

Sometimes your friends are in a different type of trouble, such as certain family issues, loss of a friend, or maybe even just a tough day. These four things could be applied as well, just alter the steps to work with whatever situation that they are in, and it should work just fine :-) Happy blogging!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Entry 6- 11.5.11

Dear Journal,

I was hanging out with a friend today and we were talking about our friends, including one that we used to have (let's say her name is Jane). Jane was a typical teen girl; was extremely popular, played basketball, and her family was one of the richer ones in our area, so on ad so forth. She was a really great friend at first; when I first moved to that school, she showed me around campus, took me to classes, sat with me during lunch, made sure that I made friends; we soon became very close because of her kind ways.  So, when Jane started telling me things, such as that she was born with a severe hip problem that made her have to go into surgery right after her birth and that she once had a mild form of cancer that was very likely to come back, I really believed her, I mean, why shouldn't I have? Little did I know that all of these things were complete lies. In fact, once I started to discover these little lies that she started telling, I discovered that much of our relationship was based on lies. I wasn't the only one to find out, and as more and more of her friends learned about  her lying habit, they began to leave her, one by one. Soon she was left with no friends at all; the same lies that she used to get friends were making her lose them. Jane then apologized for her actions and returned to her sweet ways. Many of us were skeptical, but, in the end, went back to her; many, not including me. It really didn't feel good to know that I couldn't trust who I once thought was my best friend, and so I wanted to wait back and see how this was going to play out. Anyhow, things were going great, I guess, until she brought up something very interesting one day after school: "My grandmother is deathly ill and we're not sure she's gonna live." This story got her a lot of sympathy, but I think that I was the only one that noticed that her grandmother looked very healthy when she came to pick Jane up.  Granted, I left it alone, but things just continued to get worse, from stories of adoption, physical and mental abuse from her parents, other birth defects that she had, I mean the list goes on and on. She once again lost all of her friends, and, like before, apologized and went back to her old self shortly. Jane continues to carry on with her "white lies", as my friends and I call it (even though some are so seriously large that they look like a T-Rex dressed in white), and therefore, she's always in and out of friendships. Why did I tell you this drawn out story about Jane? Because I wanted to show you guys something that makes friendships what they are: honesty. You CAN'T base a friendship off of untruths; it's just not possible. As you could see in what I just told you, when your friends can't trust a word that comes out of your mouth, it not only makes you feel bad, but them, too. Now, I really do think that Jane has problems, not necessarily cancer or an abusive family, but maybe even a psychological issue. I don't really know, but I was just thinking about her and feeling bad for her because she will never have a stable relationship (be it with her friends, family, or even a boyfriend) because of her lies. If you see some of yourself in her because you lie to look better, get attention, or to hide something that you're not proud of, you should really take these words to heart. This is how everyone around you will view you when you're not honest, and I can guarantee that the guilt that you will feel will override anything that you are trying to accomplish. If you are like me and your friend is having trouble telling the truth, tell them how you feel, and help them to change, be their confidant who they can be honest to, no matter how painful the truth is, and encourage your friends to do the same. Jane and I aren't friends anymore, but I wish that instead of writing this here, that I wrote it to her, or told her that she needed to change. Maybe that would have helped her to make better decisions with what she says to people to where they can learn to trust her and build a healthy friendship with her. I truly think that that's all she needs; a good friend. Well, I hope you guys were able to take something from this post and I wish you all the best!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Entry 5- 11.4.11

Dear Journal,

I've got a very interesting friendship concept that someone advised that I write about. I like it, not only because it's a bit challenging for me to respond to, but because it seems to be a recurring problem with teens today. The problem is this:

Why is it that when girls can't seem to find friends, they become so desperate for some that they end up hanging with the wrong crowd?

Then, it's proceeded by:

Why can't girls learn to value themselves and their own company instead of falling apart when they don't have any friends around them.

Here are some of my thoughts on this whole situation:

1. Loneliness; let's start off with the basis of the prompt which would be loneliness.We sometimes become so lonely that we allow ourselves to be led into bad company just for the sake of having friends; having people around. I, myself, have experienced loneliness at one point or the other; I mean, who hasn't. But, that being said, it's more about how you deal with it. I mentioned in an earlier post that my favorite quote of all time would have to be, "It's not what makes you fall down that's important, but it's what you do when you get back up." So, to tie that in with what i'm trying to say, it doesn't matter what has made you lonely, be it a bad argument with a friend or whatnot, but what you do to make things better for yourself. Loneliness hurts, but rushing into bad friendships isn't the right thing to do.

2. Social Placement; this is actually going to be the main topic of part 2 because being a teen, people start to categorize you as soon as they can get their hands on you. I've been categorized as a loner, diva, wannabe, nerd, you name it. I wouldn't personally place myself in those bins, though; I see myself as a strong, mature, leading, helpful, beautiful individual, and to me, that's all that counts. When you start to have what other people call you define who you are, though, you become a follower; you'll do ANYTHING to rid yourself of that degrading title. That's when you start hanging with the girls who are just not very good people, altogether. As you can see, your social placement (if you let it over-rule your personal thoughts) can lead you down the wrong road.

3. Lack of self-esteem; This was sort of mentioned in the last point when I said that you worry too much about what others call you. I used to be like that, believe it or not. I didn't really like who I was, so I'd follow the popular girl around, and when we became best friends, that's when it all collapsed because I then began to "wipe the fog out of my eyes" and see that I REALLY didn't like her, and therefore hated myself even more because I noticed that the old me that was inside was replaced by this other girl; a clone of who I was hanging  out with. When you don't have enough self-esteem to stand firm with who you are, you sort of get "sucked out" and replaced, and sometimes, who you get replaced with isn't who you necessarily want to be.

4. Becoming your own best friend; When I tell my friends this, they don't really get what I mean. It pretty much stems from something my mom used to say; "if you don't love yourself, how do you expect others to love you?" That being said, being your own best friend is just spending time with yourself and enjoying your own company. This doesn't mean that you get this imaginary friend or something, but just having fun doing the things that you like to do. Me, I haven't spent time with my friends since March, and that's really hard. You lose friends along the way, you do get kind of lonely, and it's just altogether not fun. But what I can do is blog, listen to music, sing, go on YouTube, play with my dog; do SOMETHING that will cheer me up instead of going off with the nearest group of girls that I can find who may or may not be the best choices of friends for me.

5. Becoming too involved with the idea of a "friendship;" There are those people who can't seem to live without friends, so they constantly call, and hang out, and sleep over, and do this, and do that. That's all too  much; as i said in an earlier post, you've gotta allow yourself some space. When you end up doing that, it just leaves you with what feels like an "empty gap" where your friend should be if they aren't there. When you give yourself a little distance, if the friendship doesn't work out, you don't find yourself freaking out, in search for any and every "friend" that comes your way.

Well, I've got to say that this topic was very hard to write about, but I'm glad I did it because not only was I able to find ways to relate to the situation and how I can better help MYSELF in the future, but also in that I can help so many others that may have found themselves in a similar situation.

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Part 1: Summary

Hey guys,

I have covered four basic parts of friendships:

1. Making friends,
2. Talking to friends,
3. Up-keeping friends,
4. and losing friends.

I personally find those things the most important things to think about and work on. If you need some help with your friendships, or there is a topic that you think that I should talk about before moving on to Part 2, just  leave a comment under this post, and I will definitely give my advice on it in a post. Thanks for reading and I hope that I've helped you out!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Entry 4- 11.2.11

Dear Journal,

We all have those friends who have stuck with us for what feels like forever. Amber White, who you might know as my really talented friend who writes poems on my blog, has been my BFFL for nearly six years. While that might not seem like a long time, you might remember that in my last post, I told you about the few times that I have moved and how I am moving to another country soon. Right now, we are over seven hours away from each other and the last time we saw each other was nearly two years ago, but we are still really close. You know why? Because we have learned how to maintain a friendship. I remember when we first met at a party that my mom put together. Amber was my mom's co-worker's daughter, and from that first introduction, we just clicked. After that, we started having sleep overs nearly every week and  were inseparable. When I moved the first time, we were sad, but we started sending letters and little trinkets to each other. As we got older, it became phone calls very often, and now, it's phone calls every day. I don't know what I would do without Amber, she's the best friend that I've ever had, and possibly will ever have. I told you this story because my topic of today is up-keeping friendships. Friendships tend to come and go, but when you find that one person that makes you feel good all the time, (and vice versa) it's really important to try and keep them close. Now i'm not saying that if things aren't working and you don't seem to get along anymore, that you should continue being friends, but I know that whenever Amber and I have disagreements, we can't stay mad at each other FOREVER because we both value our friendship more than whatever we are arguing about; that's what true friends do. Part of that is communication; we are extremely honest with each other, even when the topic may seem confrontational. In fact, I don't think that there is ANYTHING that we don't know about each other, or have kept from each other. That way we can work things out through conversation, and not conflict. Another thing that's important for you to remember is that girls need space. When girls spend every waking moment with each other, they tend to get irritable and snap at each other. I don't know why that is, but it is. Amber and I had a ten-day visit at my house one time, and after about the third day, we wanted to throttle each other. Looking back at it, the things that we were arguing about were really pathetic, but what we did to just calm down was to sit in opposite sides of the room and read a book. After about an hour, we would say our apologies and move on; that helped us out quite a bit. One last thing that you might want to consider is change; change happens to everyone, be it growth, personality, friends, moves, you name it. That being said, I can tell that what made Amber and I such great friends at the beginning may have changed, and so then our friendship changes as well. We are still the VERY best of friends, but the fact that we've got two different types of environments, cliques, styles, etc., we are now very different. What you have to do, in that situation, is adjust. This brings us back to talking; just talk about it. Me, I don't typically like change, and so lately some of the changes that my friend has made have sorta "bothered me", for lack of a better term. So, what I do is tell her about it and we talk it out. That doesn't mean that I like it, but at least I can understand and accept it, and I'm sure that the same could be said about me. These type of friendships should be cherished; they seem to be very rare nowadays. Therefore, take some of these points into consideration, and I'm sure that they will help to strengthen/ up keep your relationship(s) with your BFFL(s).

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Entry 3- 10.1.11

Dear Journal,


I know how hard it is to make friends sometimes, especially when you aren't really familiar with the other people. I, of all people, should know since I have moved to different places and started new schools twice so far. In fact, I am in the middle of a huge move to another country right now. That's what inspired me to go ahead and write this entry; it's sort of a way of giving advice to myself. Here are a few things to remember when trying to create friendships:


1. Find someone that you can see yourself being really good friends with. This means not just the really popular girl that can give you a huge reputation, or the really good looking guy that you are trying to get close to. Pick someone that shares some of your intrests, seems like a genuinely nice/good person, and seems to want to share a relationship with you.


2. Don't be too picky. Once you start judging the people around you to fit a certain standard that you keep for the type of people that you want around you, people get turned off and you don't get any friends. As they say, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. 


3. Don't be too clingy. I don't know about you, but when someone CLEARLY wants to be my friend and is all over me, I get uncomfortable and purposefully avoid them. I mean that in, for instance, making me gifts, plopping yourself down next to me, butting in on some of my conversations with other friends, kissing up to me, etc. If you tend to do some of those things, it doesn't mean that you’re a bad person. In fact, it's the total opposite; you seem to care a little too much, and and if the other person isn't as enthusiastic as you, it does create quite a few ackward moments. 


4. Be who you are. I know that sometimes, if you don't feel that the person you are, will get you any friends of value, you may start to be fake, or be who you think others would like. When you do that, though, you've got to concider a few things. For one, you never get to enjoy being yourself; you constantly have to pretend to be this person that your "friends" have come to like. Another thing is that you don't really get to enjoy your friends the way that you should be able to. In fact, you may end up attracting people that you'd normally hate, for lack of a better word. 


5. Be honest. If there is something that you want to bring up about your way of life, such as your religion, certain moral codes that your family follows, so on and so forth, don't be afriad to say it. That way the other person can get a full understanding of what you're about.
6. Have fun. Friends make you feel good, and they should be there to help you to have a good time, so don't focus too much on taking control of the friendship; just live life to the fullest and happy blogging!


Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell

Entry 2- 9.30.11

Dear Journal,

I know all too well how it feels to lose our best friend. I recently lost a really good friend of mine after a really nasty argument. What's worse is that since I changed schools, there's no way for me to fix things. No matter how  a friendship breaks, it's difficult, but dealing with it the right way is the best way for you to either be able to reconcile with your friend, or move on and make some new friendships. One thing that I hate is when your friend starts talking badly about you and trying to put you down, and then you start doing the same to them. My thing is this; if you guys were such good friends just a few weeks ago, why is the way they dress bothering you now when you used to complement them when you guys were friends? It just doesn't make sense and it just makes you feel worse. If you want to make things better, just apologize to them, even though you might have been in the right. Just to let them know that you want to move on in the right direction, and even if they don't accept it, at least you know that you did all that you could do; and sometimes, moving on is the best choice for you. I've had a friend that I was really close too, but then I realized that she was putting others down, including some of my other friends. Since it was making me uncomfortable, I told her about it and she became very confrontational. That's when I decided that she was not a good friend for me because I would not choose to be around somebody who didn't care about other peoples' feelings. Walking away isn't always easy, but by choosing yourself over someone who's making bad decisions, you benefit in more ways than one. I wish all of my readers the best!

Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

Entry 1- 9.29.11

Dear Journal,

What happens when your friend comes to you, explaining to you that their cat just died, or maybe their parents are having a divorce? Do you sit there, wondering what you should say or do you end up taking over the conversation, lecturing them or changing the subject? Sometimes it's difficult to know what to do when you are on the receiving end of your best friend's venting, but knowing how you should react to it will make the conversation less awkward for you and perhaps more helpful for your friend. Saying too much can lead to a very uncomfortable, and often frustrating, experience for the other person. I've had times where i'm talking to someone after a really bad day and then all of a sudden, they say, "look at this awesome bracelet that Brittney got me!" It catches me off guard, so then I awkwardly say, "oh, OK, good for you. But back to my bad day..." And then, if they continue, I start getting frustrated and just give up. I either go with the flow, or just excuse myself from the conversation altogether. Then again, saying too little can leave the other person waiting for your responses. For instance, say I'm really upset with someone and I'm talking to my best friend about it, if I say, "Isn't that awful?" and then they say, "Uh, sure?" It sorta sounds like you aren't listening to me and then I feel like I'm rambling along. If you just don't know how to react to whatever your friend is talking about, just think about how you'd want yourself to respond. What way would be most helpful to you? Being there for your friend as a listener or an advice giver? Using these strategies when talking to your friends about difficult situations in their life will surely help both of you in the end :-)

Love Always <3,
Karina Lowell

Part 1: Friendships

Friendships are so important for teenage girls not only because of our so called "social lives", but because of the drama that is middle and high school; sometimes you just need a friend that understands you and what you're going through. That being said, they are also the hardest things to make, upkeep, and lose. This is why I've decided to name this topic as part one of "Journal of our Generation". I hope that this not only helps you to work on your own relationships, but to help you understand each side and element of different situations that you might encounter.

Read On! <3

-Katrina Lowell

Journal of our Generation

Hey Guys, 


I have decided to go slightly out of my comfort zone and start writing a "girls guide", so to speak. I typically only give advice to some of my friends when they are going through a time where they need help figuring out what to do, and even though I don't really write about non-fiction topics that usually happen within a girl's teenage years, I thought that it would be worth a try. My goal is to be able to reach out to any girl who needs a little guidance, and although I'm no professional, I've got the inside knowledge, being a teenage girl myself. I really hope you guys enjoy it. Happy Blogging!


Love Always <3,
Katrina Lowell